Roy Munson, a bowling prodigy, wins the 1979 Iowa state amateur championship and plans to leave his tiny (fictional) hometown of Ocelot, Iowa, to go on the Professional Bowlers Tour. He wins his first tournament, defeating an established pro named Ernie McCracken. Soon after, McCracken convinces Roy to help him hustle some bowlers. The con goes badly with McCracken fleeing and letting Roy take the fall when the bowlers mutilate Roy's hand in revenge.
Ned Rochlin (Paul Rudd) is a biodynamic farmer living with his girlfriend, Janet (Kathryn Hahn). While selling produce at a local market, Ned sells marijuana to a uniformed police officer due to the officer's claim that he had a stressful week, which made Ned feel sympathetic after initially being skeptical. Ned is then arrested on a charge of selling drugs.
Paul Kemp (Johnny Depp) is an author who hasn't been able to sell a book. He gets a job at a newspaper in San Juan, Puerto Rico. There, he meets Sala (Michael Rispoli), who gets him acclimatised and tells him he thinks the newspaper will fold soon. Kemp checks into a hotel and while idling about on a boat in the sea, meets Chenault (Amber Heard), who is skinny-dipping while avoiding a Union Carbide party. Kemp is immediately smitten with her.
Investment banker Harold Lee (John Cho) is persuaded by his colleagues Billy and JD to do their work while they leave for the weekend. Elsewhere, Kumar Patel (Kal Penn) attends a medical school interview at the behest of his father but intentionally botches it to prevent getting accepted. Upon arriving home, Harold meets his Latina neighbor Maria (Paula Garcés) but is unable to admit his feelings for her. After smoking marijuana with Kumar, and seeing an advertisement for White Castle, the pair decide to get hamburgers to satisfy their hunger. Traveling to the location of the nearest White Castle, the pair find it has been replaced by "Burger Shack" but are informed that there is another White Castle in Cherry Hill.
A canary yellow vintage Super Bee pulls up short on a New York City street, and Montgomery "Monty" Brogan gets out with his buddy Kostya to look at a dog lying in the road. The animal was mauled in a dogfight so Monty intends to shoot him, but changes his mind after he looks it in the eye. Monty decides to take the dog to a nearby clinic instead.
U.S. Marine Tommy Riordan visits his father, Paddy Conlon (Nick Nolte), a recovering alcoholic who has returned to his Catholic faith. Tommy had to run away from Paddy with his dying mother when he was just a boy due to Paddy having previously been an abusive alcoholic, and has never quite forgiven him. Paddy tries to convince him that he has changed, but to no avail. The next day, Tommy enters a gym where he beats a professional fighter named Pete "Mad Dog" Grimes (Erik Apple) unconscious in less than 30 seconds, in a fight which is filmed via a cell phone's video camera and later uploaded to the Internet, where it goes viral. Tommy learns about a winner-takes-all mixed martial arts tournament called Sparta in which the winner will receive $5,000,000. Tommy asks his father to help him train for the tournament, but only under the condition that Paddy does not try to reconcile their relationship.
Ali G is the leader of Da West Staines Massiv, a fictional gang composed of a group of wannabe gangsters from Staines (a suburban town in north Surrey, to the west of London); their chief rivals are Da East Staines Massiv. Ali and Da West Staines Massiv are heartbroken to learn that their beloved local leisure centre (where they like to chill out and also where Ali teaches his "Keep it Real" classes) will be demolished by the local council. Ali and his friends decide to protest at this injustice. After he goes on a hunger strike and is spotted chained to some railings by the nefarious Chancellor of the Exchequer and Deputy Prime Minister David Carlton, he is drawn into a world of seedy political intrigue, as the Deputy Prime Minister tries to use Ali as a tool to destroy the Prime Minister's credibility. Ali is put forward as a candidate to be the next MP for Staines in a crucial by-election and manages to alienate most who cross his path, including feminists and the elderly. During a debate with his rival candidate, Ali tries to insult his rival by claiming that he "sucked off a horse". Unknown to Ali and the public, it turns out that the rival did indeed do such a thing, and trying to explain it away, he claims when he was out hunting with a friend he slipped, and his mouth landed on a horse's penis, which due to the mating season was erect. Ali then wins.
The film takes place in the fictional town of Spurbury, Vermont, near the Canadian border. The plot centers on five Vermont state troopers who seem to have more of a knack for pranks than actual police work. Most of their time is spent devising new ways of messing with the heads of the people they pull over and hazing "Rabbit," a new recruit. They also find time to torment their easily infuriated radio dispatcher, Rodney Farva, who has been exiled from patrol work because he was involved in a fight with several students during a questionable traffic stop of a school bus, which is later revealed during the credits. Their days of pranking and slacking off are cut short when the troopers suddenly find themselves attempting to solve a murder, bust a drug-smuggling ring, and avoid having their post eliminated by the state's impending budget cut — resulting in their transfer, or quitting and opening up a roller disco.
The film begins in Hudson, Ohio, where Scott "Scotty" Thomas (Scott Mechlowicz) gets dumped by his girlfriend, Fiona (Kristin Kreuk), immediately after his high school graduation in 2004. With his best friend, Cooper Harris (Jacob Pitts), Scott attends a graduation party that evening and listens to a performance of the film's main theme song "Scotty Doesn't Know", that crudely details the affair Fiona was having with the band's singer, Donny (Matt Damon), while she was with Scott. Drunk and angry, Scott returns home and receives an e-mail reply from his German pen pal, Mieke (Jessica Boehrs), who expresses sympathy towards Scott after Fiona breaks up with him, and suggests they arrange to meet in person. However, the entire time Scott has known her he has mispronounced Mieke as "Mike", thinking that she is male. After Cooper suggests that "Mike" may be a sexual predator, Scott angrily tells Mieke to stay away from him. Scott's younger brother, Bert (Nial Iskhakov), informs him that "Mieke" is a common girl's name among Germans. Realizing his mistake, and that he has feelings for Mieke, Scott tries desperately to contact her again, only to find out that Mieke has blocked his email address. Encouraged by Cooper and with him in tow, Scott decides to travel to Europe, seek out Mieke, and apologize to her face-to-face.
John "Breacher" Wharton (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is the leader of an elite team of DEA agents from the Special Ops Division, which includes James "Monster" Murray (Sam Worthington) and his wife Lizzy Murray (Mireille Enos), Joe "Grinder" Philips (Joe Manganiello), Julius "Sugar" Edmonds (Terrence Howard), Eddie "Neck" Jordan (Josh Holloway), Tom "Pyro" Roberts (Max Martini), Bryce "Tripod" McNeely (Kevin Vance), and "Smoke" Jennings (Mark Schlegel).
Elliot is in a hospital, discussing funeral arrangements over the phone. His wife died in an accident. His colleague/friend Rick arrives, Elliot tells him what happened, and Rick tries to offer him support. Elliot goes home alone and drinks himself to sleep. Next morning, he hides the liquor bottle as his granddaughter Eloise, who is bi-racial, knocks on the door and asks where her grandmother is. He tells her he will take her to school and to finish getting ready. He sees visions of his wife and attempts to brush Eloise’s hair, but is unsuccessful. She is upbeat as usual, and they are having difficulty as Elliot tries to do her hair, get her ready, and then take her to school. Elliot admits that he has never driven his granddaughter to school before, and that he got lost.
Rashad (T.I.) is a teen living in Atlanta with his Uncle, George (Mykelti Williamson) and his little brother Ant (Evan Ross). He and his brother were raised by their uncle George since their parents died in a car accident, and they work with him as part of his custodial company. When not working or finishing his last year of high school, Rashad spends most of his time with his friends Brooklyn (Albert Daniels), Teddy (Jason Weaver), and Esquire (Jackie Long). Rashad is a talented artist but does not see much of a future in that field as he has become accustomed to working the family business. Esquire, Rashad's best friend, goes to a prep school on the opposite side of town from where they live, and is trying to attend an Ivy League college after senior year. However, he finds out that he will need a letter of recommendation from someone of high stature to better his chances of acceptance at the school he wants to attend.
The movie opens with Cheech and Chong driving a limo through the desert. Chong, who has decided to stop doing drugs for a while, is talking about rock and roll, and Cheech is falling asleep, but Cheech is narrating over what's happening. He says that "things are tough all over" and that he's going to tell their story.
During the 1980s, DEA agent Robert Mazur uses his undercover alias "Bob Musella" to become a pivotal player for drug lords cleaning their dirty cash. Later, he infiltrates the world's largest cartels and helps discover the money-laundering organization of drug lord Pablo Escobar.