50 First Dates (2004)

Share this quote on facebook Happy birthday, sir. What are you, like, 200 today?

Share this quote on facebook I have no life.

Share this quote on facebook Sorry I'm not better looking.

Share this quote on facebook Shit your pants? So did I.

Share this quote on facebook Hey, Ula! Get back to cleaning the pool! And if that's one of your special brownies, don't let any of the dolphins eat that.

Share this quote on facebook Can I have one last first kiss?

Share this quote on facebook [repeated line] There's nothing like a first kiss..

Share this quote on facebook [to his children] You kids suck; you're good at everything!

Share this quote on facebook My shirt size is medium husky.

Share this quote on facebook Sharks are like dogs. They only bite when you touch their private parts.

Share this quote on facebook Your golf ball hit the cart, bounced back and hit you in the head. It was freakin' hilarious.

Share this quote on facebook [Pretending to be Lucy for the video] Aquariums make me super horny.

Share this quote on facebook Get your brother out of the dishwasher!

Share this quote on facebook You got a cat? 'Cause I feel somethin' lickin' me.

Share this quote on facebook [repeated line] Hi, I'm Tom!

Share this quote on facebook Don't you think you're a little old to still be having wet dreams? (laughter) Hi, I'm Tom!

Share this quote on facebook Are you staring at me or her? 'Cause you're starting to freak me out.

Share this quote on facebook [About Henry's drawing on a napkin] Can I have that? I need something to wipe my ass with.

Share this quote on facebook Alexa: [After an aborted one-night stand with a woman] I guess I prefer sausage to taco.

Share this quote on facebook Security Guard 1: Hey Lucy, good to see you again!
[Lucy walks by quietly]
Security Guard 1: What the hell is her problem?
Security Guard 2: She doesn't remember who you are, bra.
Security Guard 1: Oh, yeah. I suck at this job!

Share this quote on facebook [After Lucy beat up Ula with a bat]
Ula: Oh, you crazy bitch!
Lucy: Yeah, KEEP RUNNING!

Share this quote on facebook Lucy: [to Henry] I hardly know you.
Marlin: Actually sweetie, you're kind of dating him.
[Lucy looks at Henry]
Henry: Yeah. Sorry I'm not better looking.

Share this quote on facebook Doug: Thith ith from Nick and Thue. They thend their betht witheth for a thafe trip.
Henry: That's very nice. Spam and Reese's. All right.
Doug: I love Thpam and Reethe's, can I have it?
Henry: Um, I guess.
Marlin: Doug!

Share this quote on facebook Kid: What's wrong with that turtle?
Henry: He has lung problems because he smoked too much turtle weed, which is bad for you. Right, Ula-la?
Ula: What? I don't smoke weed!

Share this quote on facebook [While playing golf, Ula has ripped the stitches over a shark bite on his waist]
Ula: You think you can stitch me up tonight after I get back from surfing?
Henry: Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
Caddy: I wouldn't surf with a bleeding wound like that. You might attract a shark or something.
Ula: What's wrong with that, cuz? Sharks are naturally peaceful.
Caddy: Is that right? How'd you get that nasty cut anyway?
Ula: A shark bit me.
Caddy: Nice! Go smoke another one, bro!

Share this quote on facebook Old Hawaiian Man: That was pathetic.
Henry: Yeah? Why don't you choke on your spam!

Share this quote on facebook Nick: What did Sue say?
Henry: She said that if I talk to Lucy you'll kill me with a meat cleaver.

Share this quote on facebook Dr. Keats: Was your head shaped like an egg before she hit you?
Doug: Hey! Don't make fun of Henry, all right? It'th not hith fault hith head'th thaped like that!
Dr. Keats: Note the intense overreaction. That's the 'roids talking. Douglas, once again, off the juice.
Doug: It'th not juice! It'th a protein shake!

Share this quote on facebook [Henry sticks a tooth pick in Lucy's waffle house]
Henry: Here, you should try this out. Put this here. Swivelly door. Waffleonians can come in and out now.
Lucy: Oh, are you from a country where it's okay to stick your fingers all over someone else's food?
Henry: Uh, no, I'm from this country. [pause] Were you gonna eat that?

Share this quote on facebook [Henry pretends to get electrocuted while jump-starting his car, upsetting Lucy]
Henry: Hah! I can't believe you fell for that!
Lucy: My grandfather died while trying to jump-start a car...
Henry: Oh...I'm so sorry...I was just joking around.
Lucy: I can't believe you fell for THAT! HA HA!

Share this quote on facebook Update Video: Red Sox win series!... Just kidding.
Update Video: Schwarzenegger elected governor!... Not kidding.

Share this quote on facebook Dr. Keats: Tom lost part of his brain in a hunting accident. His memory only lasts ten seconds.
Ten Second Tom: I was in an accident? That's terrible.
Dr. Keats: Don't worry, you're totally gonna get over it in about three seconds.
Ten Second Tom: Get over it? I mean, what happened? Did I get shot in the brain... Hi. I'm Tom.

Share this quote on facebook Henry: [begging Marlin to let Henry see Lucy and apologize after she ate at the diner] I don't want it to end like this.
Doug: Yeah, well, it's gonna end like this!
[Doug runs to beat up Henry but then Henry holds him down]
Henry: Calm down, little fella!
Doug: Okay I'm calm!
[pause]
Doug: I coulda whooped his ass, Daddy but this gravel - I swipped on it and fell.
Marlin: Then maybe you need to do a little bit more butt flexes.
Doug: Cheap shot, Dad.

Share this quote on facebook Henry: I don't think that's an option, Lisa.
Linda: Linda.
Henry: I know. I changed your name for your protection.

Share this quote on facebook Nick: Hey, Mr. Peanut Butter Cups!
Henry: Hey, Mr. Could-Kill-Me-In-One-Punch!

Share this quote on facebook Lucy: Wonder what's the matter with him.
Old Hawaiian Man: Looks like a stupid asshole to me.

Share this quote on facebook Kid: Daddy, what's a nympho?
Ula: Uh, the nympho is the state bird of Ohio.
Kids: Ohhh.
Henry: [to Ula] You're the state idiot of Hawaii.

Share this quote on facebook [Henry has just said "I Do" in his commitment to Lucy on the tape.]
Ula: Really? Even though in like 10-15 years, she could like posssibly lets herself go and then like sex could like be nauseating for you.
Henry: What are you, nuts? Your wife's right over there.
[Ula faces his insulted, obese wife, whom flips him off in retaliation.]
Ula: I'm just kidding, Mumu.