Steve Stifler
Share this quote on facebook
No, no, no, shit-head, you hooked up with one other girl for what, ten seconds? Not to mention that you passed on Nadia, dumbest fucking thing ever. You're like a blind man picking out his favorite porno.
Share this quote on facebook
It's time for me to boom-boom with the bridesmaids, Finch-fucker. 'Cause I'm gonna hang out with my wang out, and I'm gonna rock out with my cock out.
Share this quote on facebook
Oh wedding this, suck my ass that. I'm special, you're special, we're all just a bunch of special fuckers. Well, you know what? Im-a gonna get laid Finch-fucker and it's going to be like oh so good. And I'm gonna' be like "You like this shit, mama?" and she's gonna be like "Fucking right, doggy, give it to me. Suck on my nipples like you're milking a cow!"
Share this quote on facebook
Fuck you Finch, you didn't eat shit OK, you didn't prance around here like a ballerina for the whole week. (Cadence appears) Oh wedding this, suck my ass that. I'm special, you're special, we're all just a bunch of special fuckers aren't we? Well, you know what? I'm-a gonna get laid Finch-fucker and it's going to be like "oh so good". It's gonna' be like "Do you like this shit, mama?" and she's gonna be like "Fucking right, doggy, give it to me. Suck on my nipples like you're milking a cow!" Like...
[sucking noise] Moo
(Not amused Cadence)[sucking noise] Moo. [sucking noise] Moo. (Looks at Cadence) You been here long?
Michelle Flaherty
Share this quote on facebook
Wow, Steve Stifler just gave a rose to a girl and meant it. This is huge; it's like, monkeys learning to use tools for the first time.
Share this quote on facebook
Jim, I had trouble finding the words to tell you how I feel. And I realized something. Love isn't just a feeling. Love is something you do. It's a dress, a visit to band camp. A special haircut. Jim, you've given me everything I ever wanted, and it is my solemn vow to give everything I am to you.
Paul Finch
Share this quote on facebook
Hey I'm gonna give you a little piece of advice: love life, get paid, then get laid. That is the basic philosophy of... The Finch-meister!
Others
Dialogue
Share this quote on facebook
Kevin Myers: Guys, here's to the next step!
Paul Finch: Would you please shut up with that stepping?! Put your glass down!
Share this quote on facebook
Jim's Dad: Why do you think, uh, Michelle, they call it "making love"?
Michelle: I don't know. I just call it "boning".
Jim's Dad: Boning? Well, when-when you're doing other things with Jim, when you're not... um... boning, how does he make you feel?
Michelle: Horny, like I wanna bone.
Jim's Dad: But-but, we can't be boning from sunrise to sunset, dear.
Michelle: Oh, you've never tried it?
Jim's Dad: I certainly have. I have. I've boned... from sunrise, uh, right through brunch on more than one occasion.
Share this quote on facebook
Finch: Now, Jim, let me handle this. These are my people.
Stifler: They're gay?
Finch: No, you bleeding imbecile. They have style, they're cultured, they're sophisticated.
Stifler: So, they're gay.
Share this quote on facebook
Michelle:
[about Stifler] Jim, he's not doing it to be nice; he's doing it to bone Cadence.
Jim: Look, maybe we should give him a chance. You know, I think - I think that underneath all the "fucks" and "shits" and "blow me's", there's a very sensitive person who's just thirsty for acceptance. That's... that's what I think.
Michelle: Oh, Jim... you gotta stop masturbating... it's melting your brain.
Share this quote on facebook
Stifler: Observe the fucking Stif-meister. What is his defining characteristic?
Jim: He uses the F-word excessively.
Stifler: Thanks, man. But I also have confidence. You're one big floppy cock!
Share this quote on facebook
Cadence: So, can I see the ring?
Stifler: Nope. Promised to keep it safe. It's not leaving my pocket.
Cadence: Okay, Frodo.
Share this quote on facebook
Jim: Honesty, now- Honestly, would you have passed up sex with Nadia?
Jim's Dad: Why? Did she say something?
Jim: Hypothetically, Dad.
Jim's Dad: Oh, hypothetically. Well, I mean, you know, Jim, I'm a married man. I'm...
Jim: If-If-If you weren't married.
Jim's Dad: She's a college girl.
Jim: If you were a college guy.
Jim's Dad: In a heartbeat. Oh yeah.
Share this quote on facebook
Michelle: How did a little perv like you turn into such a great guy?
Jim: How did a little nympho like you turn into such a great girl?
Michelle: I'm still a nympho.
Jim: Well, I'm still a perv.
Share this quote on facebook
Paul Finch: Grandmother fucker.
Steve Stifler: You're a motherfucker.
Paul Finch:
[smiling] Yes, I am!
Steve Stifler: You son of a bitch.
Share this quote on facebook
Stifler: So, you upset about me and Cadence?
Finch: Well, let's see. She wasn't into the heavy intellectual stuff; she actually enjoyed me being that imbecile. I don't know, I suppose she's better with you.
Stifler:
[pats Finch on the back and smiles] Thanks shit-break.
[pauses and scowls] Dick. I fucking hate not hating you.
Finch:
[grins] I
did fuck your Mom...twice.
Stifler: That's better, fucker.
Share this quote on facebook
Stifler's Mom: If this is your idea of a proposal... Finchy, you've got to know I'm over you now.
Finch: Well, as they say, we'll always have Paris.
Stifler's Mom: And the pool table.
Finch: And the car.
Stifler's Mom: And the two-room suite I have upstairs...
Share this quote on facebook
Jim:
[following Michelle accepting his proposal] I am the happiest man in the world.
[His pants fall down to reveal a huge hard-on.]
Jim's Dad: Well, we should all be so happy.
Share this quote on facebook
[Kevin and Finch open the linen cupboard door where Stifler thinks he's having sex with Cadence.]
Finch: Urgh! Stifler, Granny!
Stifler: Granny?
[Jim's Grandmother appears, naked.]
Jim's Grandmother: Focus, FOCUS!!!
Stifler: Ughhh, it's not what it looks like! Shut the fucking door!
Finch: You got it, champ.
[Finch and Kevin immediately shuts the door. Stifler is disgusted over the realization that he had just fucked Jim's grandmother and not Cadence] Share this quote on facebook
[At the wedding, Finch and Stifler exchange words as Jim's grandmother is much kinder and polite.]
Finch: Grandmother-fucker.
Stifler: Yeah, well you're a motherfucker.
Finch: Yes, I am.
Stifler: Oh you son of a bitch.
Taglines