Army of Darkness (1992)

Share this quote on facebook [as he was about to kiss Sheila] Gimme some sugar, baby.

Share this quote on facebook My name is Ash and I am a slave. As far as I can tell, the year is 1300 A.D and I'm being dragged to my death. It wasn't always like this. I had a normal life once. [now Ash is in a flashback] Hardware, aisle twelve. Shop smart: shop S-Mart! [back to monologue] I had a wonderful girlfriend, Linda. [Flashback: Ash and Linda at the cabin] Together we drove to a small cabin in the mountains. It seems an archaeologist had come to this remote place to translate and study his latest find: Necronomicon ex Mortis, The Book of the Dead. Bound in human flesh and inked in blood, this ancient Sumerian text contained bizarre burial rites, funerary incantations and demon resurrection passages. It was never meant for the world of the living. The book awoke something dark in the woods. [something crashes through the window of the cabin and Linda screams] It took Linda, and then it came for me. It got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist. [Ash is seen cutting off his hand] But that didn't stop it, so it came back. Big time. [Ash gets pulled into the vortex holding onto the doorway] For God's sake! How do you stop it?

Share this quote on facebook All right, you primitive screw-heads, listen up! See this? This... is my boomstick! - [continuing nonchalantly] - It's a twelve-gauge, double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt-blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right... shop smart: shop S-Mart... Ya got that?!

Share this quote on facebook Now I swear, the next one of you primates even touches me... [yells, shoots at the pit Deadite, then shoots again]

Share this quote on facebook Klaatu Barada NNNNNNecktie. Nectar. Nickel. Noodle. It's an "N" word, it's definitely an "N" word! Klaatu... Barada... N [clears his throat into his hand, then pauses] Okay... that's it!

Share this quote on facebook It's a trick. Get an axe.

Share this quote on facebook First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. [spits out grape seed] Blow.

Share this quote on facebook Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.

Share this quote on facebook Yo, she-bitch, let's go!

Share this quote on facebook Duke Henry: You're not one of my vassals... who are you?
Ash: Who wants to know?
Duke Henry: I am Henry the Red, Duke of Shale, Lord of the Northland and leader of its peoples.
Ash: Well, hello, Mister Fancypants. Well, I've got news for you, pal, you ain't leadin' but two things right now: Jack and shit... and Jack left town.

Share this quote on facebook Ash: Lady, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the store.
Possessed woman: Who the hell are you?
Ash: Name's Ash. [cocks rifle] Housewares.

Share this quote on facebook Possessed Sheila: You found me beautiful once...
Ash: Honey, you got reeeal ugly!

Share this quote on facebook Wiseman: When you removed the book from the cradle, did you speak the words?
Ash: Yeah, basically.
Wiseman: Did you speak the exact words?
Ash: Look, maybe I didn't say every tiny syllable, no. But basically I said them, yeah.

Share this quote on facebook Ash: What are you? Are you me?
Evil Ash: What are do? Are you me? HAHAHAHAHAH! You sound like a jerk!
Ash: Why ya doin' this, huh?
Evil Ash: Oh, you wanna know? 'Cause the answer's easy! I'm BAD Ash... and you're GOOD Ash! You're a goody little two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes! [begins to sucker-punch Ash] Little goody TWO-SHOES! Little goody TWO-SHOES! HEHEHEHEHE! [honks] LITTLE GOODY TWO-SHOES! HEHEHE.
[from the Theatrical Cut]
Ash: [fires shotgun at Evil Ash]Good, bad... I'm the guy with the gun.

Share this quote on facebook [from Director's Cut]
Ash: [cocks shotgun, points it under Evil Ash's nose and fires] I ain't that good.

Share this quote on facebook Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas

Share this quote on facebook 1 Man, 1 Million dead, The odds are just about even.

Share this quote on facebook They move. They breathe. They suck.

Share this quote on facebook Sound the trumpets, Raise the drawbridge, and drop the Oldsmobile

Share this quote on facebook How can you destroy an army that's already dead?

Share this quote on facebook In an age of darkness, at a time of evil...When the world needed a hero, what it got was him.

Share this quote on facebook Hello shebitch, this is my Booomstick

Share this quote on facebook Timothy Patrick Quill - Blacksmith

Share this quote on facebook Michael Earl Reid - Gold Tooth