The Devil
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Oh I think you'll change your mind. I'm just going to slip into something a little more terrifying. See you in Hell!
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Look Elliot, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. The whole good and evil thing, you know, Him and me, it really comes down to you. You don't have to look very hard for Heaven and Hell. They're right here on Earth. You make the choice. And I guess you just made yours.
Elliot
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HOLA! MUCHO GUSTO! Me llamo Elliot! Hola Juan. Hola Esteban. Donde esta es la bibleoteca? Esta es la casa de mi tia.
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Qué me decís?....Me hiciste venir hasta aquí para decirme que esteee... cómo se llama? se robó una libra de azúcar, harina o cosas juntas...? Qué es eso...?
[spits] Ay! ES COCAÍNA!, COCAÍNA! ...OH, Mierda! Soy un Narcotraficante Colombiano.
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Mayo-nayo-naise. Swimming by the sandy shore, dancing up among the waves, dolphin, dolphin I adore everything you are. You're so much more than a fish to me, my playful friend beneath the sea.
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You know, there's no "I" in the word team. And this is a team effort. And I just wanna say that I'm real proud to be associated with these fine individuals that I h-have the pleasure of working with.
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Ah... well, you know, you go out there and you give a 110%, and you wanna play good, and, you know, you hope you play good... I think we played pretty good tonight!
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Well, um, last night when I was lying in jail, I was talking to this guy, I realized that wishing just doesn't work. All my life I wished to be better looking, to be richer, to be successful, talented, whatever. And I always thought, "Wouldn't it be great if someone could just wave a magic wand and make that happen?" Well I realized that it doesn't work by magic.
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I've been starting to think that it really isn't important how far we go in life anyway. It's how we get there that really matters.
Dialogue
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The Devil: You're so nervous, Elliot.
Elliot Richards: How do you know my name?
The Devil: I'm psychic. Plus it's on your name tag.
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The Devil: It's [your soul] like your appendix. You'll never even miss it.
Elliot: Oh, yeah? If it's so useless, how come you want it so much?
The Devil: Oh, aren't you the clever one?
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The Devil: Paragraph one states that I, the Devil, a not-for-profit cooperation, with offices in Purgatory, Hell, and Los Angeles, will give you seven wishes to use as you see fit.
Elliot Richards: Seven? Why not eight?
The Devil: Why not six? I don't know. Seven just sounds right.
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Elliot: I wish to be the most sensitive man in the world. Oh, wait! I wish I were the most
emotionally sensitive man in the world.
The Devil: Damn. I was hoping you wouldn't catch that. I could've had a lot of fun with that one.
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Elliot Richards: Oh, yeah. You've been a really big help so far.
The Devil: I know. I've been really naughty, haven't I? Maybe a good spanking's in order?
Elliot Richards: Is that all you ever think about? Do you think everything is about sex?
The Devil: No, of course not! I mean, there's greed, gluttony, sloth, anger, vanity, envy...
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[the Devil is reading Allison's diary]
Elliot Richards: You can't read that, that's private stuff!
The Devil: You're telling me, listen to this. "Last night was the most incredible night of my life. I never did get any of the guys' names, but I brought them back home and all five of them banged me like a Salvation Army drum".
Elliot Richards: What?
The Devil: Kidding.
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Inmate: What are you in for, brother?
Elliot: Eternity.
Inmate: Oooh. You must've done some really bad shit.
Elliot: The worst— I sold my soul.
Inmate: Well, I hope you got something good for it.
Elliot: Actually, I got nothing for it.
Inmate: Sounds like a really bad deal, if you ask me.
Elliot:
[glances over] I'm not asking you.
Inmate: Doesn't matter. You can't sell your soul. It doesn't really belong to you in the first place. No way, no how.
Elliot: Is that so? Then who does it belong to?
Inmate:
[looks straight at Elliot] It belongs to God: that universal spirit that animates and binds all things in existence. The Devil's gonna try and confuse you, but that's her gig. In the end, you're gonna see clear to who you are and what you're here to do. Now, you're gonna make some mistakes along the way. Everybody does. But if you just open up your heart, and open up your mind, you'll get it.
Elliot: Who are you?
Inmate: Just a friend brother. Just a really good friend.
About Bedazzled (2000 film)
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No, and it's actually really rare that you get completely free rein. You know, normally any character you do, you know, it has its own constraints. Your character earns a certain salary, lives in a certain area, you know, maybe has kids, sends them to school, whatever. But, no, with something like the devil, I mean, really you can go completely berserk.¬
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