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Billy Madison is a american film of genre Comedy directed by Tamra Davis released in USA on 10 february 1995 with Adam Sandler

Billy Madison (1995)

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Billy Madison

Share this quote on facebook I'm sorry. I can't hear you. I've been physically abused in the ear!

Share this quote on facebook I see your lips movin', but I can't make out the words! I'm deaf! Oh, Veronica Vaughn ... Soooo hot ... want to touch the hiney ... (howls)

Share this quote on facebook It's nudie magazine day!

Share this quote on facebook It's too damn hot for a penguin to be walking around here.

Share this quote on facebook All the people at the zoo are real nice, Mr. Penguin. They'll treat you real respectable like.

Share this quote on facebook He said "poop"!

Share this quote on facebook Tits!

Share this quote on facebook Well, I could think of three things I'd like to do. One would involve some ice cubes and a nine iron. Two would include a buffalo, live or stuffed, preferably stuffed for safety's sake, and three, we bring back some of those ice cubes and switch it over to a pitching wedge.

Share this quote on facebook Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ms. Lippy! The part in the story I don't like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. He didn't put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy's gotta think: 'You got a pet. You got a responsibility.' If your dog is lost, you don't look for an hour then call it quits; you get your ass out there and you find that fucking dog!

Share this quote on facebook I drew the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck before, and to be honest with you, I wanted to see a blue duck.

Share this quote on facebook That's quacktastic! Quack, quack, quack!

Share this quote on facebook Actually, I stole this shirt from Frank.

Share this quote on facebook Is that it, Dad? Did the penguin tell you to do this?

Share this quote on facebook JUST DO IT!!

Share this quote on facebook You know I like Snack Pack, why can't you just GIVE ME A SNACK PACK?!?!

Share this quote on facebook (singing) Oh, back to school. Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don't get in a fight! Ohhhhhhhhh, back to school! Back to school. Back to ... school. (bus approaches) Well, here goes nothin'.

Share this quote on facebook (waves the shampoo bottle as if it is talking) Shampoo is better; I go on first and clean the hair! (waves the conditioner bottle to the same effect) Conditioner is better; I leave the hair silky and smooth! (waves the shampoo bottle) Oh, really, fool?! (waves the conditioner bottle) Really! (he then makes the shampoo and conditioner bottle "fight" each other before dropping both into the bathtub, then notices a golden swan-shaped faucet.) Stop lookin' at me, swan!

Share this quote on facebook (after he hallucinates and sees the penguin at Veronica's house) (drunkenly) Oh. I see what's going' on in here. (penguin waves at him) So sorry to interrupt! (turns to Veronica) Proceed!

Share this quote on facebook You ain't cool, unless, you pee your pants! Everybody my age pee their pants; it's the coolest!

Share this quote on facebook (after Ernie hangs up the phone) YOU BLEW IT!!

Share this quote on facebook Chlorophyll?! More like BORE-O-PHYLL! Right?

Share this quote on facebook I choose Business Ethics.

Share this quote on facebook (menacingly) O'Doyle, I got a feeling your whole family is going' down;... but right now, I gotta study!

Share this quote on facebook Uh, Dad, do we have to discuss this with Captain Dipshit here?

Share this quote on facebook (at dodgeball period) Now you're all in big, big trouble!

Share this quote on facebook (to high-school classmate) No, I will not make out with you!

Share this quote on facebook An accident? What's that mean? (notices Ernie wet his pants) GYOO!!!!

Share this quote on facebook You, me, Jack and Frank are gonna go around Putting shit on people's doorsteps and we gonna sets it on fire!

Share this quote on facebook Man, I'm glad I called that guy!

Share this quote on facebook Alright you got it 1st grade through 12th grade all over again. I'll do each grade in 2 weeks, take the test, re-graduate, prove to you i'm not a idiot, and i get to take over Madison Hotels.

Principal Anderson

Share this quote on facebook What do I care about some stupid, phony wrestling guy?

Share this quote on facebook The statement I made about Billy Madison was and is completely untrue. I know now, that I shall never escape my fate as the Revolting Blob. It's something I must learn to live with.

Old Man Clements

Share this quote on facebook It's one of those flaming bags again!

Share this quote on facebook Don't put it out with your boots, Ted!

Share this quote on facebook Don't tell me my business, devil woman! Call the fire department; this one's out of control!

Share this quote on facebook Yuck! It's POOP again! I'll get you damn kids for this! You're all gonna die!!

Dialogue

Share this quote on facebook Veronica Vaughn: Who would steal 30 bagged lunches?
[The scene cuts to show the bus driver, Jack and Frank eating the kids' lunches]
Old Lady: I'll tell you who took those lunches. That damn Sasquatch!

Share this quote on facebook [Billy is faking sick so he can skip school. He lays in bed with a mouth thermometer he heated with his desk-lamp]
Billy: I swear to God I'm sick. I can't go to school.
Juanita: If you're gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits! (laughs)
Billy: [disgusted] Oh, my God! I'll go to school!

Share this quote on facebook Bus Driver: Get on the bus here. Move it. Get up there. Kyle. 1, 2, 5, 7. Move it or lose it. Get on the bu-s Hi, Ms. Vaughn. Nice to see ya. [stops Billy] That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ass. I know from experience, dude, if you know what I mean.
Billy: No, you don't.
Bus Driver: Well, not me personally, but a guy I know ... him and her got it on! Whoooooo-eeeeee!
Billy: No, they didn't.
Bus Driver: No, no, no they didn't. But you could imagine what it'd be like if they did, right? Huh? Huh? [Billy gets on the bus] Everybody on? Good. Great! Grand! Wonderful! [closes the door, yelling]: NO YELLING ON THE BUS!

Share this quote on facebook Dan: [stuttering while reading] Wa-wa-wa-once th-th-th-there wa-wa-wa-was a-a-a-a g-g-girl ... who wa-a-an-
Billy: Pffft! Kid can't even read.
Ernie: Cut it out dude, you're gonna get us in trouble.
Dan: An air-air-air-p-p-p-p-plane f-f-flying t-t-t ...
Billy: T-t-t-today, Junior! Ha-ha-ha!
[Veronica Vaughn sends Billy out of the classroom, the kids laugh]
Billy: [overreacting dramatically] OW!! YOU'RE TEARING MY EAR OFF!!
Veronica: Making fun of a little kid trying to read! Are you psycho? Do you not have a soul?
Billy: I'm sorry I can't hear you, I've been physically abused in the ear.
Veronica: You keep your mouth shut for the next two weeks or I'm gonna fail you. End of story. [leaves]
Billy: I see your lips moving, but I can't make out the words. I'm deaf! Ohh, Veronica Vaughn. Soooo hot! Want to touch the hiney! [howls]

Share this quote on facebook 3rd Grader: Hey, look everybody! Billy peed his pants!
Billy: Of course I peed my pants! Everybody my age pees their pants; it's the coolest!
3rd Grader: Really?
Billy: YES! You ain't cool, unless you pee your pants.
3rd Grader: Hey, look! Ernie peed his pants, too. All right!
Old Lady: If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
Billy: Oh! That was the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life! LET'S GO!!!

Share this quote on facebook Lunch Lady: Have some more Sloppy Joes. I made 'em EXTRA sloppy for yous! Ha, ha, ha! I know how yous kids like 'em sloppy! [laughs evilly]
Billy: Lady, you're scarin' us!
[Everyone including Billy burst out laughing]

Share this quote on facebook Billy: H-hey! Look at all this milk! You want some of this milk?
Veronica: That milk belongs to that classroom.
Billy: Oh, they don't gots to know about it. It could be our milk.
Veronica: No milk will ever be our milk.
Billy: Ooh, that wasn't very nice. How 'bout you, Sideburns? You want some of this milk?
Janitor: I'd rather have a beer.

Share this quote on facebook [first lines]
Billy: [singing while relaxing in his pool] Suntan lotion is good for me; you protect me, tee-hee-hee! Oh, the sun tries to burn me, but YOU WON'T LET IT! WILL YA?!?! Ultraviolet rays: bad! Lotion: good! [makes a smiley face with his sunblock] Smiley!

Share this quote on facebook Veronica: You know some people have no will power, no ambition. They just drift through life like lumps of crap.
Jack: What is she talkin' about?!

Share this quote on facebook Frank: Well, this is great! When I graduated 1st grade all my dad did was tell me to get a job! Hey, you wanna feed that donkey some beer? Get it all messed up?
Billy: Maybe later.
Frank: I'll go put some beer in a bucket.
Billy: Okay.

Share this quote on facebook Brian: Oh Billy, Billy boy, when are you going to find whatever it is you're lookin' for?
Billy: Here's a nice piece of shit! Old man Clements hates shit! He's gonna freak, when he realizes it's shit!

Share this quote on facebook Frank: Hey Billy, who would you rather bone? Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson?
Billy: Jack Nicholson now or 1974?
Frank: '74.
Billy: Meg Ryan. [Frank looks confused]

Share this quote on facebook Brian: Billy, it wasn't just high school. Do you remember that spelling bee you won in the 1st grade?
Billy: Oh, no you didn't.
Brian: Rock ... R-O-K.
Billy: Yeah, so what's your point?
Brian: R-O-C-K!
Billy: The 'C' is silent, ha-ha!

Share this quote on facebook Billy: Man, why did I have so many drinks? I can't remember! What's today?
Frank: October?
Billy: It's Nudie Magazine Day!!

Share this quote on facebook Principal Anderson: [on TV] The statement I made about Billy Madison was, and is, completely untrue.
Eric: No.
Principal Anderson: I know now that I shall never escape my fate as the Revolting Blob.
Eric: No, no, no, no, no, no, NO! [angrily throws a stapler, and it hits his secretary, accidentally knocking her out]
Principal Anderson: It's something I must learn to live with.
Eric: Joyce?
Brian: What a mess. First, this psycho goes on TV, lies, then retracts it, and now Eric's secretary is in a coma. Carl, has anyone been able to find out anything about this Max guy?
Carl: No, sir. He's vanished. Nobody has any idea where he is.
Eric: [to Brian] I believed in Billy all along.
Billy: [to Eric] Oh, cut the horseshit! I know you blackmailed Max.
Brian: Take it easy, Billy. Things were going along great, until this wrestling freak messed things up. Billy should get another shot at high school.
Eric: Hey, rules are rules. Billy was supposed to finish each grade within the 2 weeks, or I get the company. He didn't finish 9th grade.
Carl: Eric, certainly there are extenuating circumstances.
Eric: Extenuating, exshmenuating! We had a deal. A signed, written deal. Each grade, 2 weeks, or I get the company.
Brian: Well, technically, you're right, but--
Eric: Oh, shut up, Brian! I've had to listen to your jawing for too long. [mimicking Brian] "Well, technically, mmeh-mmeh-mmeh--" [normal voice; loudly] Just SHUT UP! [gets up] Are you ready to hand the company over to me now?
Brian: No!
Eric: Then I'll see your ass in court.
Brian: Good.
Eric: Nice talkin' to ya, shitheads! Hhhheh-heh-heh-heh-heh!

Share this quote on facebook 12th grade O'Doyle: [after stuffing Billy's locker with manure] O'Doyle rules!
Billy: O'Doyle, I got a feeling your whole family's going down. But for now, I gotta study.

Share this quote on facebook Dan: Hey, I dare you to throw your sandwich at the bus driver. Do it. Come on.
[Kyle throws his sandwich at the bus driver]
Bus Driver: HEY!
Veronica: Hey, who threw that?
Bus Driver: I'll turn this damn bus around. That'll end your precious little field trip pretty damn quick, huh? You little...

Share this quote on facebook Knibb High Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said was one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Billy: Okay, a simple "wrong" would've done just fine. [sits back in his seat]
Knibb High Principal: [to Billy] You remain one point ahead. [to Eric] Mr. Gordon, it is your turn. [to Billy] Mr. Madison, choose the topic.
[Billy examines the topic chart]
Billy: I choose "Business Ethics".
Knibb High Principal: [draws a question card] Mr. Gordon, the American business environment has fundamentally changed, following the insider trading and savings and loan scandals. Explain business ethics and how they're applied today.
Student in the audience: Booo!
[Eric gets out of his seat and approaches the microphone]
Eric: The, uh... ethics of, uh... business can be summarized in...
Student in the audience: Booo!
Eric: See, ethics are, uh... Y'know, the... the thing about ethi-- [completely loses it] GAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
[Eric whips out a revolver in a fit of rage and kicks down the microphone. Everyone panics and flees]
Eric: [angrily] That question was not fair! That was not in the reading! I demand a new question.
Billy: [smugly] Take it easy, psycho. You blew it, you lose.
Eric: [turns to Billy] I oughtta blow you away, you miserable...
Billy: Well, go ahead and do it! [Eric cocks his gun. Billy gets scared] YIKES!!
Principal Anderson: [comes charging out from backstage in his wrestling gear] AAAAAAH!!!!!! [body-slams Eric]
Veronica: No! [runs onto the stage]
Eric: Get off me! [recovers and points his gun at Veronica] Eh-heh-heh-heh-heh-HEH-HEH-HEH-HEH-HEH-HEH-HEH!!!
Billy: No!
[Eric is shot in the butt-cheek by Danny. Danny waves to Billy]
Billy: Man, I'm glad I called that guy!