Dialogue
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Tina: Brenda?
Marni and Tina: Psyco!
Tina: Brad?
Marni:Too gay. Patrick?
Greg:Not gay enough
Tina:And last Whittier.
Marni:She's ok.
Greg:Marni, she's future head cheerleader material.
Marni:Memo Pink Ink. We already have our next head cheerleader."(points at self with sucker)" Hi.
Greg:The only difference being she's cute.
Marni:Yeah she's cute the way a smushed up bug on the bottom of your shoe is cute. Oh and excuse me, did you see her blonde hair? So fake.
Greg:If it isn't the pot calling the kettle blonde.
Marni:I was I was born with dark roots
Greg:Mmmhmm
Tina: Enough. You two bitches can catfight all you want but the final decision is mine. Until then- you're both dismissed.
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Marni: Welcome to the team (hands uniform to Monica) Welcome to the team-"(Hands uniform to Whittier)" Oh this is a size four is that gonna be to small?"(Whittier shakes her head)" Kidding, kidding Get out of here. Welcome to the team "(hands Janice towels)"
Janice:Wait this isn't a uniform these are towels.
Marni:Oh well you're very perceptive aren't you?
Janice:Aren't I on the team?
Marni:Oh of course you're on the team. As a towel girl. It's an honor.
Janice:How is it an honor?
Marni:Say there is no towel girl. Say Greg hoists Tina up into a cupie and no one is there to towel off his sweaty hands. Tina slips. Tina falls and and lands on her spinal cord and spends the rest of her life doing water colors with her teeth. Do you want that to happen?
Janice:I guess not
Marni:"(leads Janice into a cage and slams door shut)" I didn't think so.
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Marni:We have to crush them. We have to take them grind them into the ground and run over them with a Jeep Cherokee SUV
Tina:Marni! Take a pill of the chill variety please
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Derek:Look around, I'd say we exist.
Marni:Who are you? "(Derek gives her a look)" UH-shush It's called a razor scruffy boy."(To Whittier and Monica)" You
don't exist according to a little thing called Section Eight (holds up 7 fingers) of the National Collegiate Cheerleaders Manual. (Hands packet to Whittier) Yeah it says that one and only one- O N E- can compete from each university.
Francis: You can't do this to us!
Marni: So make like a Tom and Cruise.
Penelope:This is modern day imperialisiom!
MarniBoo freaking hoo!
Monica:You missed something sweetie. (Marni turns around) It does say that only one team can compete.
Marni:See.
Monica:But it doesn't say which team. That team could be us.
Marni:Even if all that is true, it doesn't matter. Varsity has been going to Nationals FOREVER (enunciates forever)
Monica:(walks over to Marni)Looks like we're at an impass. So why don't you and I just figure this out together.
Marni:(Sees Monica's Varsity jacket)Where did you get that? That does not belong to you.
Whittier:Ladies! Fighting is not the answer! There is only one honest impartial person on this campus who can prove who goes.
Marni:(mimicking Whittier) There is only one honest impartial person?
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Whittier:Then I would say hold off.
Francis:Will do chief
Marni:Well, well, well. If it isn't the blonde leading the bland. Last minute cram session kiddie kiddos?
Whittier:Why don't you take care of your own squad. That's what a real leader would do.
Tina:Is that what a real leader would do? A real leader wouldn't be practicing at midnight Whit. You can drill a loser all night and in the morning, ya still got a loser.
Marni:Put makeup on a pig (Tina snaps) still a pig.
Marni and Tina:Oink Oink oink oink oink
Monica:Yeah you guys want to hear our cheer for tomorrow? We're ready, we're set we'll smack you like a little bitch!
Marni:We're tough, we're lean, step to us and we'll get mean.
Monica:Hey hoe you know,we'll put you on the flo', dust off your spankies, stand up and get some mo'
Marni:Don't cry, don't pout, don't have yourself a cow, you're gonna get whooped, your mommy can't help you now!
Monica:Come on you can do better than that
Marni:Yeah I can do better than that bitch
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Tina:Marni Marni chill.
Marni:Ok(Tina pulls her away) No I won't chill come back here.
Francis:Ladies fighting and spitting time is OVER.
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Tina: You're pathetic
Marni: YOU'RE pathetic. I know you wax your BUTT!
Tina:You actually think your roots are natural? You are not born with roots
Marni:(squeaking) I was too!
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Tina:(After Whittier leaves) She'll be back(Later) She's not coming back!
Marni:Its just Whittier.
Tina:Ice Cream Double Fudge.
Marni:No!
Tina:Now!
Marni:OK OK
Tina:Stupid.
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Marni: No i'm not going to focus. I won't! (whispering) I don't mean that (yelling) Please don't hate me Tina. Please don't hate me!
Greg:Hey I don't hate you Marni.
Marni: Shut up!
Cast