Fletch Lives (1989)

Share this quote on facebook (narrating) All I needed now was a computer. And a ten year old kid to teach me how to use it.

Share this quote on facebook Becky was a good girl and didn't need to be spanked... dammit.

Share this quote on facebook It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong. I am NOT a big man.

Share this quote on facebook (narrating) The Reverend Farnsworth was Becky's father, but I wasn't going to hold that against her. If I was going to hold anything against her, it wouldn't be her father.

Share this quote on facebook (narrating) Figuring out that the guy who dropped my watch in the swamp was the same guy who stole it at the morgue didn't take Sherlock Holmes... Larry Holmes could've figured that one out.

Share this quote on facebook I borrowed your toothbrush. I would have used your razor but it looks like you've been doing some gardening with it.

Share this quote on facebook What can I do to y- for you?

Share this quote on facebook "I was on my gazebo, on the roof, making some repairs, and I was struck by lightning...and I've had migraine headaches and blurred vision ever since then but praise the Lord that was my lucky day because ever since then, I've had the healing power. Amen, God bless you. Thank you very much. Good night. Yes? What happened? Yes?

Share this quote on facebook I believe Louisiana is the Pelican State.

Share this quote on facebook They multiply by masturbation.

Share this quote on facebook I've been foolishly squandering my salary on food and heat.

Share this quote on facebook Scum! Scum! Scum! Go back to where you're from!

Share this quote on facebook These walls are deplaning at an alarming rate!

Share this quote on facebook You shouldn't wear so much eye shadow. It makes you look cheap.

Share this quote on facebook (narrating) The morgue proved to be a dead end. But I guess it is for most people.

Share this quote on facebook (narrating) When I got back, there was a cozy fire in the fireplace...and on the roof, and on the porch. It was great.

Share this quote on facebook (narrating) Over the years, I found Mr. Underhill's credit card to be a useful tool, much like Underhill himself.

Share this quote on facebook (narrating) I never liked guns, especially when they're pointed at me.

Share this quote on facebook Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee Schwartz.

Share this quote on facebook KKK Leader: Folks ain't home. Cross won't burn. Hell, it ain't like it used to be.

Share this quote on facebook Announcer: Let's welcome our guest healer Mr. Claude Henry Smoot.

Share this quote on facebook Sheriff: Was y'all usin any kinna drugs you brought in from Califor'ny by any chance?
Fletch: Just some beaujolais.
Sheriff: Beaujolais?
Fletch: It's a very popular drug. Made from grapes.
Sheriff: Well, I see you just wanna make it hard on everybody ... maybe you'd feel better after some time in tha Tank. Y'all come.
Fletch: All of us?
Sheriff: Just you.
Fletch: What's the charge?
Sheriff: Pissin' me off.
Fletch: Is that a felony or a misdemeanor?
Sheriff: That's it!

Share this quote on facebook Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: Erwin, admit that you are a sinner.
Fletch: Uh. Well, I've sinned. I didn't take any Polaroids or anything. But, yeah, I've sinned.
Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: The Lord forgives ya!
Fletch: Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Amen. What? Other sins? Uh, I parked in a handicap spot on my way up here. Actually, on a handicapped person. I told him I'd be back in five minutes, so that's not such a big deal.

Share this quote on facebook Fletch: What do you mean, toxic waste?
Frank: Well, it's some special stuff. There's only eleven places in the country that makes this shit.
Fletch: Where?... Frank, just give me the ones that aren't in New Jersey.
Frank: Uh, there's only one.

Share this quote on facebook Fletch: (flirting) Hey Betty, how about lunch at the In N' Out Burger?
Betty Dilworth: (disgusted) No.
Fletch: Okay, forget the burger, how about just the In N' Out?
(she sneers at him)
Fletch: OK, how about just the In?

Share this quote on facebook (Fletch, dressed as a nerdy businessman, has walked into a biker bar)
Fletch: Name's Ed... Ed Harley.
Joe Jack: Ed... you sure you're in the right place?
Fletch: I think so!
Joe Jack: (mocking) Think so!
(all laugh)
Joe Jack: Ed...
(frowning)
Joe Jack: What are you doing in here?
Fletch: I'll give you a hint... Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
(all stare)
Fletch: You don't get it?
Joe Jack: (grabs Fletch) No, Ed... you're the one that doesn't get it.
Fletch: Ed HARLEY. Harley-Davidson Motorcycles!
Joe Jack: (shocked) You own the company?
Fletch: Well, my granddaddy started it, then my Daddy screwed Davidson out of his half, and now I own the whole thing.
Joe Jack: (really shocked) Harley-Davidson, no shit?
Fletch: No shit!
Joe Jack: (smiling broadly) Hey, everybody! Ed the Third here owns Harley-Davidson! We're the Nazis from Natchez!

Share this quote on facebook Doorman: Name?
Fletch: Ah...Irwin M Fletcher. Irwin Mahatma Fletcher.
Doorman: Address?
Fletch: 7.

Share this quote on facebook Man on Computer: Who are you?
Fletch: Hello, I'm Peter Lemon-Jello and they told me to tell you your house is on fire.
Man on Computer: Thank you!! Good bless you!!
Fletch: (to himself) Thank you for believing this shit!

Share this quote on facebook Fletch: It's a championship Laker watch.
Cindy Mae: Oh, are you a Laker?
Fletch: I used to date one - only thing I have to remember him by.

Share this quote on facebook Cindy Mae: (Turbulence) Oh Lord, what was that?
Fletch: We just clipped a Piper Cub. Pilot's okay, I just saw him parachuting.

Share this quote on facebook Calculus Entropy: How do you do? I be Calculus Entropy, you be Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher?
Fletch: I be Fletch, Geometry Fletch. She be Miss Trigonometry Ross.

Share this quote on facebook Calculus Entropy: Should I be doing anything?
Fletch: No, not really, um... as soon as you get that trunk upstairs and have finished your nap I guess you could fix that step and jump down, turn around and pick a bale of cotton. And while I'm gone see to it Miss Scarlet stays away from the Union army will you?

Share this quote on facebook Ben Dover: Take your pants off.
Fletch: I don't even know your name.
Ben Dover: Bend over.
Fletch: Ben? Nice to meet you, Victor Hugo.

Share this quote on facebook Fletch: What're you in for?
Ben Dover: Molesting a dead horse.
Fletch: Well..I can't see what's so wrong with that.....did the horse object?

Share this quote on facebook Calculus Entropy: Guess you'll be movin' in with me.
Fletch: Thanks, Cal. Look at the bright side. You won't have to bother dusting anymore.

Share this quote on facebook Hamilton "Ham" Johnson: So tragic when this happens to somebody so young and healthy. Was she feeling alright last night?
Fletch: She felt great to me.

Share this quote on facebook Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: You don't suppose I used too many photographs of myself do you?
Fletch: No, no. Worked for the Ayatollah.

Share this quote on facebook Old Fella: You're cute! What's your name little lady?........
Fletch: Peggy Lee, Peggy Lee Zorba.

Share this quote on facebook Guard: Sir this is a restricted area!
Fletch: I'm happy for ya, most people live in terrible neighborhoods.

Share this quote on facebook Supervisor: And you are?
Fletch: I. R. Pissed!

Share this quote on facebook Sheriff: You care ta make a statement?
Fletch: (Sighs) Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.

Share this quote on facebook Southern Belle: (to Fletch) They sure do love you Colonel.
Fletch: (looking at her bosom) And I love them, too!

Share this quote on facebook Cindy Mae: What did you say your name was?
Fletch: Nostradamus.
Cindy Mae: Nostra Damus? I love the Fightin' Irish.

Share this quote on facebook Real Estate Agent: I can see you're disappointed.
Fletch: No, not at all. A little speckling and some napalm and this place could make a nice mausoleum.