Guarding Tess (1994)

Share this quote on facebook I'm a secret service agent, Mrs. Carlisle, not a caddy. You want that ball? I suggest you go get it yourself.

Share this quote on facebook Since you've insisted on me staying, you should know I intend to do my job by the book which means we don't run errands, we don't make snacks and we don't check our guns at the door. Now if you don't like any of this, I suggest you call Washington and get yourself a new man.

Share this quote on facebook The President is coming to Somersville. Will you have the cars and the machine guns ready in about an hour?

Share this quote on facebook You should get a date, you should have a martini, you should drive with the top down, you should better yet give a tired old widow a break.

Share this quote on facebook Do I still have any influence in that evil little town or have they forgotten all about me?

Share this quote on facebook Frederick: Just back to pick up your accoutrements?
Doug: Speak English Fred.
Frederick: Just back to pick up your shit?

Share this quote on facebook Store Manager: [to Doug] Does she want to be known today?
[Doug shakes his head]
Store Manager: [to customers and cashiers] Don't know her! Don't know her! Don't know her!

Share this quote on facebook Tess: [in the grocery store] It's got no price at all.
Bob: Yes ma'am. [over the radio] Uh, Doug, this is Bobby in canned goods, are you anywhere near the manager? I need a price check on Le Sueur baby peas, repeat, Le Sueurbaby peas.
Doug: Le Sueur baby peas.
Store Manager: They're on special today, two for .59.
Doug: They're on special today, two for .59.
Bob: Uh, copy that, it's two for .59.
Tess: But I only want one.
Bob: Uh, roger that, Doug, but she only wants one.
Doug: How much for just one?
Store Manager: The same. It's a two for one thing.
Doug: Uh, Bobby, it's a two for one thing so I suggest you go ahead and get both.
Bob: Uh, copy that Doug but I believe we've lost in interest in peas, repeat, lost interest in peas. Canned goods out.

Share this quote on facebook Tess: I have some exciting news for you. I have an inoperable brain tumor. [pause] I have bought you and your men a scud missile launcher. [pause] We are going to the opera in Columbus. Which of those do you think is true?
Doug: When?

Share this quote on facebook Doug: Where is she Earl?
Earl: Speak to my lawyer Agent... Agent Dougie.

Share this quote on facebook Doug: [Calming the hospital employee who insisted it's hospital policy that patients leave by wheelchair] The regulations aren't really that sacred, are they? And Tess... Get in the god damn chair.
Tess: Hmm. Very good, Douglas. You're going to be all right.

Share this quote on facebook James Lally — Joe Spector