Help! I'm a Fish (2000)

Share this quote on facebook Directed by Stefan Fjeldmark, Michael Hegner and Greg Manwaring. (uncredited) Produced by Anders Mastrup and Phil Nibbelink. Written by Stefan Fjeldmark, Karsten Kiilerich, John Stefan Olsen and Tracy J. Brown.

Share this quote on facebook [first lines; while skateboarding down the hall] Yee-haw! Going fishing!

Share this quote on facebook Once, there was only silence, and not a speck of hope in sight. And every tiny bubble burst on its journey towards the light. But the spark of creation will flicker again, it's a brand new era... about to begin.

Share this quote on facebook Fly: [chasing Joe in the water pipes as he escapes with the antidote] Wait! Wait, come-come back, you-you stupid fish!
Joe: [coldly] I'm sufficiently intelligent enough to kill you... if you don't stop bothering me.
Fly: So what? Any brute could do that. But can you tell me what the square root of... six thousand, five-hundred and sixty-one is?
Joe: [stammers] Uh, three-hundred, divided by forty, minus three is... [he turns to drink more of the antidote and develops a larger, swollen head] Ah! Eighty-one!
Fly: Yeah! But do you know what happens if an object travels at the speed of light?
Joe: [drinks more of the antidote and sprouts spines, legs and arms, and tears his pelvic fins off] Ah! It turns into pure energy!
Fly: What came first, the-the chicken or the egg?
Joe: [drinks more of the antidote and grows in size, grows hair and longer limbs, now resembling a fish-human] It depends on the relative amount of molecules in the universe!
Fly: What happens to a fish if he drinks too much antidote?
Joe: It... [wheezes for breath] becomes... HUMAN!
Fly: [coyly] Can a human breathe underwater?
Joe: OF COURSE NOT!
[He realizes he can no longer breathe underwater and drowns, sucked away by the pipe's current]

Share this quote on facebook Fly: [trying to take back the potion from Joe] I'm convinced your words are true.
Joe: Who's this?
Fly: Please let me follow you.
Joe: What a nice young fish.
Fly: I'll hold the bottle, too.
Joe: Oh no, that won't be necessary.
Fly: I insist, just let me hold it.
Joe: [crossly] The bottle stays with me.
Fly: Just let me have a little sip.
Chuck: No Fly, no! We're at the bottom of the sea, you'll drown!
Joe: Hmm... arrest them!

Share this quote on facebook Joe: [to the crab and Shark] Useless! The pair of you! You're not fit for sushi! I sentence you to execution!
The Shark: Uhh... what's that?
Joe: Shark! Chew up that useless crab and eat yourself when you've finished!
The Shark: [about to eat the crab] Yeh... uh... well... [turns angrily to Joe]
Joe: [realizing his mistake] Uh... I mean, um, no no, uh, that won't do, ah, my mistake. Nobody has to execute themselves in a civilized society [spotting another fish] You!
Seabass: Ah, who? Me?
Joe: Yes, you! Because of your long and loyal service to me, I hereby appoint you chief executioner.
Seabass: Ah! Ohh, thank you, sir. Ah, thank you, sir! Thank you, thank you, thank y -
[Shark devours him]
Joe: Uh, on the other fin, we could just call it water under the bridge. A great leader is distinguished by his ability to forgive. Shark, I hereby appoint you offensive commander!
The Shark: [calls the other fish to order] Atten-tion!
Joe Go and get those three infuriating fish and bring them to me now!