Idiocracy (2006)

Share this quote on facebook I need for you to be serious for a second here, okay? I need help.

Share this quote on facebook They're watering crops with a sports drink?

Share this quote on facebook You know things are bad when they're coming to me for answers.

Share this quote on facebook Today I step into the shoes of a great man, a man by the name of Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.

Share this quote on facebook People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories, so you cared whose ass it was and why it was farting.

Share this quote on facebook Man! Upgrayedd didn't tell me they'd be putting me in no damn coffin with tubes and shit!!

Share this quote on facebook That's good, cause I charge by the hour.

Share this quote on facebook I like money.

Share this quote on facebook Go away! 'Batin'!

Share this quote on facebook I like having sex with chicks.

Share this quote on facebook There's a shuttle down in the Costco. It'll drop us right by the time machine.

Share this quote on facebook If I had some money and a room at the White House, I'd be like, "It's mine, all night!"

Share this quote on facebook What's the minus of 30 and 20?

Share this quote on facebook I'll base your ass on my fist! In your face, ass! Shut up!

Share this quote on facebook So you're smart, huh? I thought your head would be bigger. Looks like a peanut!

Share this quote on facebook Shut up. Sit your monkey ass down. Chill out.

Share this quote on facebook Shit. I know shit's bad right now. With all that starving bullshit. And the dust storms. And we're running out of French Fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution.

Share this quote on facebook Come on, scro! Don't be a pussy! Besides, you do a kick-ass job and you get a full pardon.

Share this quote on facebook Now, since you all say you ain't got no money, we have "proprietarily" obtained for you one of them court-appointed lawyers, so put your hands together and give it up for Frito Pendejo!

Share this quote on facebook But the English language had deteriorated into a hybrid of hillbilly, valley girl, inner city slang, and various grunts.

Share this quote on facebook Joe was about to learn, that in the future, justice was not only blind, but had become rather retarded as well.

Share this quote on facebook Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator had come to replace water virtually everywhere.

Share this quote on facebook After several hours, Joe finally gave up on logic and reason, and simply told the cabinet that he could talk to plants and that they wanted water.

Share this quote on facebook Dwayne Elizondo Camacho …Five-time Ultimate Smackdown champion …Porn superstar …And president of the United States.

Share this quote on facebook If you don't smoke Tarrlytons... Fuck you!

Share this quote on facebook Carl's Jr: Fuck you! I'm eating.

Share this quote on facebook [the "Fuddruckers" company's name has changed over the years] Buttfuckers

Share this quote on facebook "Extra Big Ass Fries!"

Share this quote on facebook Formica Davis: Well, it started off boring and slow, with Not Sure trying to bullshit everyone with a bunch of smart talk: '"Blah blah blah. You've got to believe me!"' That part of the trial sucked! But then the Chief J. just went off. He said, '"Man, whatever! The guy's guilty as shit! We all know that."' And he sentenced his ass to one night of rehabilitation.

Share this quote on facebook Carl's Jr. Computer: Welcome to Carl's Jr. Would you like to try our EXTRA BIG ASS TACO? Now with more MOLECULES!

Share this quote on facebook Various: I like money.

Share this quote on facebook Time Machine Narrator: ...First to the year 1939 when Charlie Chaplin and his evil Nazi regime enslaved Europe and tried to take over the world! ... But then an even greater force emerged: The un! [sic; United Nations] And the un un-nazied the world! Forever!

Share this quote on facebook Costco Greeter: Welcome to Costco, I love you... Welcome to Costco, I love you...

Share this quote on facebook Dr. Lexus: Right... kick ass. Well, don't want to sound like a dick or nothing, but uh, it says on your chart that you're fucked up. Uh, you talk like a fag, and your shit's all retarded. What I'd do, is just like... like... you know... ha ha, you know what I mean? Like... haha.

Share this quote on facebook Dr. Lexus: Don't worry scro'! There are plenty of 'tards out there living really kick ass lives. My first wife was 'tarded. She's a pilot now.

Share this quote on facebook Robot Vacuum: Your floor—your floor is now clean.

Share this quote on facebook Ow My Balls! Guy: Ow, my balls!

Share this quote on facebook Joe: Why me? Every time Metzler says, "Lead, follow, or get out of the way," I get out of the way.
Sgt. Keller: Yeah, when he says that, you're not supposed to choose "get out of the way." It's supposed to embarrass you into leading, or at least following.
Joe: That doesn't embarrass me.

Share this quote on facebook Program: Please speak your name as it appears on your current federal identity card. Document number G24L8.
Joe: I'm not sure if—
Program: You have entered the name "Not Sure". Is this correct, Not Sure?
Joe: No, it's not correct.
Program: Thank you. "Not" is correct. Is "Sure" correct?
Joe: No it's not. My name is Joe—
Program: You've already confirmed your first name is "Not". Please confirm your last name "Sure".
Joe: My last name is not "Sure".
Program: Thank you, "Not Sure".
Joe: No. What I mean is that my name is Joe.
Program: Confirmation is complete. Please wait while I tattoo your new identity on your arm.

Share this quote on facebook Joe and Frito are walking through a Costco, much bigger than what was in Joe's time
Greeter: Hi, welcome to Costco. I love you.
Frito: Yeah, I know this place pretty good. I went to law school here.
Joe: You went to law school? At Costco?
Frito: I know! I couldn't believe it, either. But luckily, my dad was an alumnus, so he pulled some strings.

Share this quote on facebook Joe: Man, I could really go for a Starbucks, you know?
Frito: Yeah, well, I really don't think we have time for a hand job, Joe.

Share this quote on facebook Frito: I can't believe you like money too. We should hang out.
Cameraman: Totally.

Share this quote on facebook Joe: For the last time, I'm pretty sure what's killing the crops is this Brawndo stuff.
Secretary of State: But Brawndo's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes.
Attorney General: "So wait a minute. What you're saying is that you want us to put water on the crops.
Joe: Yes.
Attorney General: Water. Like out the toilet?
Joe: Well, I mean, it doesn't have to be out of the toilet, but, yeah, that's the idea.
Secretary of State: But Brawndo's got what plants crave.
Attorney General: It's got electrolytes.
Joe: Okay, look. The plants aren't growing, so I'm pretty sure that the Brawndo's not working. Now, I'm no botanist, but I do know that if you put water on plants, they grow.
Secretary of Energy: Well, I've never seen no plants grow out of no toilet.
Secretary of State: Hey, that's good. You sure you ain't the smartest guy in the world?
Joe: Okay, look. You want to solve this problem. I want to get my pardon. So why don't we just try it, okay, and not worry about what plants crave?
Attorney General: Brawndo's got what plants crave.
Secretary of Energy: Yeah, it's got electrolytes.
Joe: What are electrolytes? Do you even know?
Secretary of State: It's what they use to make Brawndo.
Joe: Yeah, but why do they use them to make Brawndo?
Secretary of Defense: 'Cause Brawndo's got electrolytes.

Share this quote on facebook [Frito is struggling to read an advertisement]
Cameraman: Why you keep trying to read that word? You're a fag?
Frito: "Fag" your face!
[Frito punches Cameraman in the face]

Share this quote on facebook Frito: It's you! Oh man, I really love your show.
Ow! My Balls! Guy(Hormel Chavez): Thank you so much.
[Frito kicks the man in the crotch]

Share this quote on facebook Brendan Hill — Secretary of Energy

Share this quote on facebook Mike McCafferty - Officer Collins