Anton Tobias
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Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today because you're all dead... and it's all my fault. Mom, Dad, you fed me, kept a roof over my head until I killed you. Which I guess doesn't make me a very good son. But, I'm gonna try to change.
[hand twitches] Mick, Pnub I'll never forget all those times we sat around, watched TV and got really, really stoned. And all those other times we just... well I guess that's all we did.
[picks flowers from garden and throws them over the 'graves'] Amen.
The Hand
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I'm gonna kill you real slow Anton....[his eyes roll in the back of his head]
Oh Shit! [The Hand falls out of the puppet outfit and to the ground]
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[Before his death, The hand prepares to attack Anton one last time] DIE YOU FUCKER!!! [Debi throws the dagger towards the hand striking it dead.] SHIT!!!! [The Hand dies]
Dialogue
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Dad Tobias:
[after seeing the message on the ceiling] It's just a prank.
[clicks off flashlight] Anton.
Mom Tobias: Anton? Our little scooter would never do something like that!
Dad Tobias: Quit calling him that baby name. Anton would not scoot his behind off the couch if the house was on fire!
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Anton:
[hears moaning coming from Mick's grave] Mick?
Mick: Over here. Anton, help me. Come on, man, I can't breathe down here. Anton? Anton, can you hear me?
Anton:
[kneels and leans over Mick's grave] Mick?
Mick: Yeah man, it's Mick.
Anton: You're dead!
Mick: No I'm not! You conked me on the head pretty good. I must've been unconcious.
Anton: You think?
Mick: I know fucker, now dig me up!
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Anton: Hey, I didn't kill anyone on purpose, okay?
Mick: Yeah, well, we weren't in hell! I mean, there was this bright white light at the end of a long tunnel, right, and there was these chicks' voices, and that music...
Anton: Music?
Pnub: Yeah, kinda uncool music, like, Enya. And these chicks' voices, they were saying, "come to us, come towards the light".
Anton: So what happened?
Mick: We figured, fuck it, I mean, it was really far!
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Anton:
[after cutting his hand off] Where did it go?
Pnub: What, you mean the hand?
Anton: Of course I mean the hand!
Pnub: Try looking up your ass.
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Dexter Holland:
[kicking Anton off the stage at the Concert]Get out of here kid. You had your fun, now it's time...
The Hand: TIME TO DIE BITCH!!!!!! [As the crowd screams, the Hand continues] You're all my bitches now!!
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Anton: Fucking little hand I got you now.[The hand is in a puppet disguise. He sneaks behind Anton's shoulder]
The Hand: I'm your little daddy now...BITCH!!! [Anton and the hand fight] You should learn NOT to cut off the hand that feeds you Anton!!! AND NOW ANTON..YOU DIE!!!! [Anton punches the Hand who is still in the puppet outfit, then pins him to the floor.] EAT THIS BITCH!!! [Anton grabs him as he is about to deliver a striking blow]
Anton: Who's you daddy now Bitch?
The Hand: I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP!!!
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[Last lines]
Mick: Hey, you were right. Anton does scream like a girl!
Pnub: You think we should tell him that we put that writing on the ceiling?
Mick: Fuck it!
Pnub: Hey, let's go walk through a nurse!
Mick: Okay, watch it. Some of them are guys.
Taglines
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The Devil will find work for idle hands to do... but what happens when he chooses the laziest teen slacker in the world to do his dirty work?