Jonathan Mardukas
Marvin Dorfler
Jimmy Serrano
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Don't say a word to me, Sidney, don't say a fucking word to me. I'll get up and I'll bury this telephone in your head.
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So I'm finally in the presence of greatness, huh? The Duke. The guy that steals money from the scum of the earth and gives it to the unfortunates of the world. I wanted to meet you face-to-face. Did you actually think you were gonna steal my money and get away with it? I stopped by here to tell you two things. Number one is that you're gonna die tonight. Number two, I'm gonna go home, have a nice hot meal, I'm gonna find your wife, and I'm gonna kill her too.
Dialogue
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Jack Walsh: Where am I? I'm in Boise, Idaho. No, no, no, wait a minute, I'm in Anchorage, Alaska. No, no, wait, I'm in Casper, Wyoming. I'm in the lobby of a Howard Johnson's and I'm wearing a pink carnation.
Eddie Moscone: What the fuck are you talking about?
Jack Walsh: I am not talking to you, I am talking to the other guys.
Eddie Moscone: What other guys?
Jack Walsh: Well, let me describe the scene to you. There are these guys, see? They've probably been up for like two days. They stink of B.O., they have coffee breath, they're constipated from sittin' on their asses for so long, they're sitting in a van, and they're probably parked right up the street from your office, Eddie. YOUR PHONE IS TAPPED!
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Jonathan Mardukas: I got money, y'know.
Jack Walsh: I'm sure you do.
Jonathan Mardukas: I'll give you whatever you want.
Jack Walsh: Start by shutting up. I know you all of two minutes and already I don't like ya.
Jonathan Mardukas: Gee, that's too bad. I really like you.
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Jonathan Mardukas: Did she hurt you, Jack?
Jack Walsh: Yeah, she did.
Jonathan Mardukas: I'm sorry.
Jack Walsh: What're you sorry about?
Jonathan Mardukas: I'm sorry you're hurt.
Jack Walsh: I'm not hurt.
Jonathan Mardukas: You just said you were hurt.
Jack Walsh: I'm not hurt.
Jonathan Mardukas: You just said you were hurt!
Jack Walsh: I didn't say I was hurt, YOU said I was hurt.
Jonathan Mardukas: I asked you if you were hurt and you said "Yeah, I'm hurt."
Jack Walsh: That's because you made me say it. Startin' to put words in my mouth.
Jonathan Mardukas: Jack, you're a grown man. You're in control of your own words.
Jack Walsh: You're goddamn right I am. Now here come two words for you: Shut the fuck up.
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Jack Walsh: I can't keep you cuffed on a commercial flight, and I gotta check my gun with my luggage, but you fuck with me once and I'm gonna break your neck.
Jonathan Mardukas: I can't fly.
Jack Walsh: What?
Jonathan Mardukas: You heard me, I can't fly.
Jack Walsh: No, no, no. You're going to have to do better than that, pal.
Jonathan Mardukas: No, I don't have to do better than that, because it's the truth, I can't fly: I suffer from aviaphobia.
Jack Walsh: What does that mean?
Jonathan Mardukas: It means I can't fly. I also suffer from acrophobia and claustrophobia.
Jack Walsh: I'll tell you what: if you don't cooperate, you're gonna suffer from "fistophobia".
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Jack Walsh: I know my rights. You owe me phone calls.
Alonzo Mosely: What should be of paramount importance to you right now is not the phone calls. It's the fact that you're gonna spend ten years for impersonating a federal agent.
Jack Walsh: Ten years for impersonating a fed, huh?
Alonzo Mosely: Ten years.
Jack Walsh: How comes no one's after you?
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Alonzo Mosely: Let me tell you something, asshole. I've been working on this Jimmy Serrano thing for about six years; Mardukas is my shot. I'm gonna bring him into federal court, and I don't want any third-rate rent-a-thug who couldn't cut it as a cop in Chicago bringing him to LA on some bullshit local charge. Do I make myself understood?
Jack Walsh: Can I ask you something? These sunglasses, they're really nice: are they government-issued, or all you guys go to the same store to get them?
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Jonathan Mardukas: You lied to me first!
Jack Walsh: What the - -YOU LIED TO ME FIRST!
Jonathan Mardukas: Yes! Yes. But you didn't know I was lying to you when you lied to me down by the river. So as far as you knew, you lied to me first!
Jack Walsh: How can I argue with this guy. I don't know what the fuck he's talking about.
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Jack Walsh: [In a payphone talking to Eddie Moscone] We are driving now, and I only have enough cash to get to Amarillo. We had to scrap the bus.
Eddie Moscone: Fuck the bus! I wanna know what happened to the goddamn plane!
Jack Walsh: He doesn't like to fly.
Eddie Moscone: He doesn't like to fly?! What the fuck does that mean?! Listen to me, Jack! You gotta be back here in less than two and a half fuckin' days! A half million dollars of my money, what the fuck is goin' on there?!!
Jack Walsh: Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, I swear to God, don't start with me now or I will shoot him and I will dump him in a fuckin' swamp! [
vigorously shakes his head at Mardukas]
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The Duke: How much are you getting for me?
Jack Walsh: I don't think that's any of your concern, but I'll tell you, just... to tell you. $100,000.
The Duke: $100,000? Does that mean you'll take $100,000 to let me go?
Jack Walsh: Not by a long shot.
The Duke: $200,000?
Jack Walsh: I never took a payoff in my life, and I'm not gonna start with someone like you.
The Duke: Why not?
Jack Walsh: Because you're a fucking criminal, and you deserve to go where you're going. I'm gonna take you there. And if I hear any more shit outta you, I'm gonna fucking bust your head, and I'm gonna put you back in that fucking hole, and I'm gonna stick your head in that fucking toilet bowl and I'm gonna make it
stay there.
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Jack Walsh: Jimmy. There's something I've been wanting to say to you for ten years.
Jimmy Serrano: Yeah, and what's that!?
Jack Walsh:
[smiling] You're under arrest!
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Jimmy Serrano: I thought you said this guy was gonna be on the plane.
Tony Darvo: That's the information we got.
Jimmy Serrano: "That's the information we got." I'm gonna tell you something. I want this guy taken out, and I want him taken out fast. You and that other dummy better start getting more personally involved in your work, or I'm gonna stab you through the heart with a fucking pencil. You get the message?
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[Jack arrives at Los Angeles before the deadline with Mardukas in custody, and calls Eddie on a pay phone]
Jack Walsh: Guess who I'm with? I'm with the Duke.
Eddie Moscone: Where the hell are you?
Jack Walsh: Where am I? I'm at the airport. And guess who I'm with? I'm with the Duke!
Eddie Moscone: You got him!
[thumps the desk with a fist] You got him, Jack! I love you!
Jack Walsh: Yeah. You wanna say hello?
Eddie Moscone: Yeah, put him on!
Jack Walsh: Say hello.
The Duke: [
distraught] Hello.
Eddie Moscone: Hello, you son of a bitch! We got you, you son of a bitch!
Jack Walsh: Now say good-bye, ya lying little piece of shit, because I'm lettin' him go!
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Jack Walsh: Fear of flying, you son of a bitch?! Get back here, you son of a bitch! Get over here. Stop! Fear of flying, my ass! You son of a bitch, get out! You're a goddamn pilot, you son of a bitch?!!
Jonathan Mardukas: I didn't feel it was appropriate to share that with you.
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Jack Walsh:
[to a cab driver] You wouldn't have change for a thousand, would ya?
Cab Driver: Whatta ya, a comedian? Get outta here, you bum!
[Cab driver drives away]
Jack Walsh:
[Zips up coat and turns up collar] Looks like I'm walkin'.
Taglines
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Monday... Escape with their lives from New York... Tuesday... Impersonate F.B.I. agents in Chicago... Wednesday... Steal plane in New Mexico... Thursday... Almost kill each other by accident... Friday... Almost kill each other on purpose...
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Charles Grodin embezzled 15 million dollars. The mob wants him dead. The F.B.I. wants him alive. Robert De Niro just wants him to shut up.
Cast