Mighty Aphrodite (1995)

Share this quote on facebook See, as the mainspring goes back and forth, the bishop keeps fucking her in the ass. It's a genuine antique and it keeps perfect time.

Share this quote on facebook And so there I am on the first day, on the set, and there's this guy fucking me from behind, right, and there's these two huge guys dressed like cops in my mouth at the same time and I remember thinking to myself, "I like acting. I wanna study."

Share this quote on facebook I feel like I owe you a great fuck.

Share this quote on facebook There's a reason the horse is sixty to one though, y'know, he's probably got polio.

Share this quote on facebook I'm sure you're a state-of-the-art fellatrix.

Share this quote on facebook This guy's gonna put me in 27 separate Mason jars!

Share this quote on facebook Adopt, what. I don't want to adopt. Not with my genes. I have award winning genes.

Share this quote on facebook Chorus: [referring to Oedipus] Look, here's a man who killed his father and slept with his mother.
Jocasta: I hate to tell you what they call my son in Harlem.

Share this quote on facebook Chorus Leader: Don't go any further. I know what you're thinking, Lenny, and forget it!
Lenny: I can't forget it; the thought's been put in my head.
Chorus: Oh, cursed fate; certain thoughts are better left unthunk.

Share this quote on facebook Linda: My father's brother was supposed to be a genius. I never met him, but everybody said he was brilliant.
Lenny: Really? What did he do?
Linda: He was a serial rapist. He spent his whole life in jail, but if he had gone straight, he might have been very good in math.

Share this quote on facebook Cassandra: Now I see big trouble!
Lenny: Oh for God's sakes, you're such a Cassandra!
Cassandra: I'm not 'such a Cassandra'; I am Cassandra!

Share this quote on facebook Lenny: Who's Rickey?
Linda: He's, he's... he takes a percentage of my work.
Lenny: He's a pimp right?
Linda: No, he's like a business representative.
Lenny: Wha? ...what do you need a business representative...? All you need is a mattress and a couple of garter belts...you're not a conglomerate!

Share this quote on facebook Linda: But seriously, you wanna know why I liked you right from the start?
Lenny: Why?
Linda: 'Cause I'm always attracted to losers.
Lenny: Losers. You think I'm a loser?
Linda: Yeah, you've got no confidence, it's sweet, I like that in a man. I can't stand those johns who come in and throw down a couple of hundred and whip out a big dick and wave it all over the joint.
Lenny: I wouldn't do that, even if I wanted to...

Share this quote on facebook Linda: You're married, aren't you?
Lenny: How can you tell that?
Linda: 'Cause you got that look.
Lenny: "That look?" What... what look is that?
Linda: That look like it's been a long time since you had a great blowjob.

Share this quote on facebook Chorus: Oh my God! It's more serious than we thought!
Chorus Leader: It's very serious! Her marriage to Lenny is in crisis!
Chorus: With the passage of time, even the strongest bonds become fragile!
Chorus Leader: Great, fellas, it sounds like a fortune cookie!
Chorus: Oh, Zeus! Most potent of gods! We implore thee! We need your help! Zeus! Great Zeus! Hear us! Hear us! We call out to thee!
Zeus: Um, this is Zeus. I'm not home right now, but you can leave a message and I'll get back to you. Please start speaking at the tone. [beep]
Chorus: Call us when you get in. We need help!

Share this quote on facebook Lenny: I told you from day one the girl was not a virgin!
Kevin: You didn't tell me how many times though!

Share this quote on facebook The new comedy from Woody Allen.