Paul (2011)

Share this quote on facebook Sometimes you just gotta roll the dice.

Share this quote on facebook Over the last 60 years, the human race has been drip-fed images of my face, on lunchboxes and t-shirts and shit. It’s in case our species do meet, you don’t have a fucking spaz attack!

Share this quote on facebook Evolution, baby.

Share this quote on facebook Get your goddamn hands off my motherfucking junk!

Share this quote on facebook You were amazing, Graeme! That cop didn’t suspect a thing! And Clive… you didn’t pee your pants.

Share this quote on facebook Yo, fucknuts! It’s probing time.

Share this quote on facebook Clive, I can feel your boner.

Share this quote on facebook Clive likes boning space bears!

Share this quote on facebook He needs our help. Sometimes you just got to roll the dice.

Share this quote on facebook We’re just a couple of regular guys on a tour of the less touristy side of the American Midwest.

Share this quote on facebook (in Klingon) Graeme. Strike this woman.

Share this quote on facebook Aliens aren’t called Paul.

Share this quote on facebook (after being asked about having sex with a girl dressed like an Ewok) Well, she was furry nice.

Share this quote on facebook Mother fucking titty-sucking two-balled bitch!

Share this quote on facebook (after shooting the communicator) Boring conversation anyway.

Share this quote on facebook (to Haggard and O’Reilly) Listen to me, Frick and Fuck, I want you to tell me everything you remember about the pissy nerds.

Share this quote on facebook Three tits. That's awesome.

Share this quote on facebook (sharing the same bed at the hotel)
Clive: What are you going to dream about?
Graeme: Wonder Woman.
Clive: Please don’t.

Share this quote on facebook Graeme: (taking pictures of the Black Mailbox) Do you remember when we Googled it on your mum’s computer and the phone rang and you thought it was the FBI?
Clive: I didn’t really think it was the FBI.
Graeme: You started crying.
Clive: I had jet lag.
Graeme: We’d only been to Brussels.

Share this quote on facebook Clive: They’re going to rape us and break our arms!
Graeme: I don’t want my arms broken!

Share this quote on facebook Graeme: Are you an alien?
Paul: To you I am, yes.
Graeme: Are you gonna probe us?
Paul: (annoyed) Why does everyone always assume that? What am I doing? Am I harvesting farts? How much can I learn from an ass?
Graeme: Uh – what?

Share this quote on facebook Paul: I’m Paul.
Graeme: Paul?
Paul: Yeah. It’s a nickname that stuck. My ship crashed on a… dog. It doesn’t matter!

Share this quote on facebook Haggard: (looking at the cover of Clive’s book) Ha! Three tits. That’s awesome.
O’Reilly: You guys should have given her four tits.
Graeme: ... That’s just sick.

Share this quote on facebook (after Paul heals and eats a recently dead bird)
Graeme: Did you ever do that to a person?
Paul: Yes. I’ve eaten many people.
(Clive looks at him, scared)
Paul: I’m kidding, big guy. Relax.

Share this quote on facebook Graeme: (after Ruth fainted) If we take her with us, we could get her on our side!
Clive: Yeah, you’d like getting her on your side, wouldn’t you?
Paul: … That doesn’t make any sense.

Share this quote on facebook Graeme: There’s probably billions of intelligent civilizations out there.
Ruth: So where is everybody? Hmm?
Graeme: I - But one of them’s there! (points at Paul, who is in the RV showing them his butt)
Paul: (to Clive) Are they looking? Are they looking?

Share this quote on facebook Graeme: Look, just because your truth isn’t the true truth, it doesn’t mean there’s no truth, Ruth.
Ruth: That’s easy for you to say.
Graeme: It’s really not.

Share this quote on facebook Ruth: Fuckeroo. That was the best titty-farting sleep I ever had.
Paul: I have the feeling you’re new to cursing, Ruth.

Share this quote on facebook Ruth: (talking to the agents about Paul) He showed me things.
O’Reilly: She’s talking about his spaceman balls! (Haggard slaps him)

Share this quote on facebook (Paul becomes invisible in order for them to go outside)
Ruth: Okay. I’m in.
Paul: Rocky?
Clive: Sure.
Paul: Bullwinkle?
Graeme: Well, I’m a little bit tired.
Paul: Don’t be a pussy.
Graeme: Don’t call me a – all right.

Share this quote on facebook [Graeme has just pushed Paul out of a rifle blast.]
Graeme: That was close! [Pauses, looks down at the gaping wound in his chest] Oh my... [Collapses]
Ruth: No!
Clive: Oh God, Graeme! [Rushes to his side] Graeme!
Mr Buggs: [Shocked] I never meant to...
Zoil: Put the gun down, Mr Buggs!
Ruth: Drop the fucking gun, Dad!
Graeme: Oh no... I really liked this t-shirt...
Clive: This is all my fault! We should never have come on holiday.
Graeme: No, no, no, it's- it's fine, it's fine Clive, you know we've, we've had a good time, haven't we?
Clive: Yeah? But you got shot.
Graeme: Aghagh-- Yeah I know but, I can honestly say, Clive, this is the most fun I have ever had... [Dies]

Share this quote on facebook There were many sights they planned to see. This was not one of them.

Share this quote on facebook This Spring, they're all for one and one for Paul.

Share this quote on facebook Who's up for a close encounter?

Share this quote on facebook Fugitive, celebrity, slacker, joker, alien.

Share this quote on facebook Only Girls Phone Home

Share this quote on facebook Ever felt a little alien? (UK poster)