Queer Duck: The Movie (2006)

Share this quote on facebook Mr. Duckstein: So son, when are you going to get yourself a girlfriend and give us some grandchildren?
Queer Duck: Well, gee, dad I guess I haven't found the right girl.
Openly Gator: [Under his breath] Yeah... one with a penis.
Mr. Duckstein: What was that?
Queer Duck: Mother? Father? ...I'm gay!

Share this quote on facebook Queer Duck: [Asking him if he'll come out to his parents.] What about you, Bi-Polar Bear?
Bi-Polar Bear: I already told my father, he was totally shocked... and so was his boyfriend! [Laughs]

Share this quote on facebook [After Queer Duck turns off the porno]
Little Lucky: Hey! I was watching that!
Openly Gator: [Handing him a drink] Here! [Little Lucky drinks it]
Little Lucky: Why did you turn it off? I'm gonna---[Passes out]
Queer Duck: [To Openly Gator] Did you give my nephew a roofie?
Openly Gator: ...Half!

Share this quote on facebook Openly Gator: The whole party's coming back to me! This place was wall-to-wall cock! [Sees Little Lucky] coke! We were doing coke...a-cola. We drank Coca Cola and Mountain Dew and Doctor Poppers--eh Pepper!
Queer Duck: Go back to bed.
Openly Gator: Good idea...
Little Lucky: Who was that?
Queer Duck: The boogeyman.

Share this quote on facebook Gay Dog: I've slept with seven men in my... in my li... in my.. li
Queer Duck: In your lunch break?
Gay Dog: In my life!
Queer Duck: And you call yourself a homosexual?!? Please!
Gay Dog: I'm a recovering homosexual!

Share this quote on facebook Homosexual Re-Progamer: [Talking to Queer Duck and gay animals.] I want you to stop obsessing over other men and start obsessing over Jesus!
Queer Duck: You mean that shirtless guy with the nice abs?
Homosexual Re-Programer: That's him!

Share this quote on facebook [Queer Duck makes a prank phone call to Dr. Laura's show and the group shares high fives]
Queer Duck: Openly Gator!
Openly Gator: Christ! I nearly wet myself!
Queer Duck: Bipolar Bear!
Bipolar Bear: I nearly wet him too! [laughs]
Queer Duck: Oscar Wildcat!
Oscar Wildcat: I haven't seen such urbane gay wit since they canceled Gomer Pyle!

Share this quote on facebook Queer Duck: If it's a crime to love Barbara Streisand, then lock me up! [Queer Duck appears in a prison cell] Seventy-five years without parole? Oh, my gay stars!
[Wolf whistle]
Prisoner: You sure got a pretty beak!
Queer Duck: [Impersonating BS] Why hello gorgeous!

Share this quote on facebook [Waiting in a long line for Barbara Streisand tickets.]
Queer Duck: Come on, come on, let's get moving!
Gator: This is like a gay-pride pirade in slow motion.
Bi-Polar Bear: Welcome to homos in slow-mo. [laughs then pauses] I'll be quiet.
Wildcat: You do that.

Share this quote on facebook Openly Gator: [seeing his nose twisted by the weights] I'm a freak!
Queer Duck: No! You look cute with your little... turned up nose.

Share this quote on facebook [Queer Duck is giving the Minotaur a massage and he seems to be enjoying it]
Minotaur: Man, you should teach this to my wife!
Queer Duck: You're wife?!? [applies a pressure hold and makes the Minotaur pass out]

Share this quote on facebook Queer Duck: Bipolar Bear, will you pound the organ?
Bipolar Bear: Ya betcher booty! But first I'll play some music! [laughs]

Share this quote on facebook Queer Duck: Its like a convent in here! Hundreds of Marys all dressed in black!

Share this quote on facebook Queer Duck: I, Adam Seymour Duckstein take you, Steven Arlo as my one and only. Unless you're out of town, or we have a really big fight, or when its one part of a man's body coming through a hole in the wall... [hours pass, the sun sets] ...and it doesn't count as cheating if its a threesome, or that really cute delivery boy! Uhm... amen?
Openly Gator: [emotionally] Oh, Queer Duck! You really do love me!

Share this quote on facebook [In the midst a plane crash.]
Openly Gator: Queer Duck, if we survive this plane crash, will you marry me?
Queer Duck: Ah, we're not going to survive this are we?
Openly Gator: No.
Queer Duck: Then sure!

Share this quote on facebook Openly Gator: For the last time, Charlton Heston was not gay!
Queer Duck: Oh, please! He wore a skirt in every picture he was in!
Bipolar Bear: I heard the original title of Ben Hur was Ben Gay! [Laughs]

Share this quote on facebook Ku Klux Klan Member: Are you doing something Queer in there?
Queer Duck: Yeah, your son is giving me a lap dance.

Share this quote on facebook Oscar Wildcat: [Attempting to disguise his voice] I was just wondering how much rat poison it would take to kill an old lady. I've already added a lot, and so far she just seems to like that taste!

Share this quote on facebook [Bipolar Bear is told by the aliens they will just drop him off]
Bipolar Bear: What? No anal probe?
Alien: We... don't really do that.
Bipolar Bear: Come on! You're not going to give me the anal probe? I'm missing Rosie for this!
Alien: Very well... prepare the... anal probulator...

Share this quote on facebook Alien 1: We can take a more pleasing form [Transforms into a Barbara Eden-esque woman]
Bipolar Bear: You are way off!
Alien 2: You're gay, aren't you?
Alien 1: Why are the good ones always gay?

Share this quote on facebook Narrator: So after a quick stop at the local rubber tree, Queer Duck and Openly Gator attended to the task at hand...
Queer Duck: [Motioning to Bipolar Bear's butt] You first!
Openly Gator: No, no. Age before beauty!

Share this quote on facebook Openly Gator: That was so embarrassing, you got us kicked out of Wiener Dog.
Queer Duck: I just assumed it was a gay bar.
Openly Gator: You think everywhere is a gay bar.

Share this quote on facebook Queer Duck: Santa Claus is bi, my oh my!
Santa: There's nothing that I won't try!
Openly Gator: So lets all cheer, 'cause Santa's queer!
All: [Singing in Harmony] Santa Claus is gaaaaay!

Share this quote on facebook Santa: Queer Duck, you shouldn't say things about people if you don't know them!
Queer Duck: So... you're not gay?
Santa: I am all things to all people!
Queer Duck: So you're bisexual?
Santa: Ho ho ho! Exactly!

Share this quote on facebook Bi-Polar Bear: I love mardi gras, even though I don't know what it is.
Wildcat: It's french for "Everybody's Gay."