Romy White
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Isn't it weird when you're not friends with your friends anymore? I mean, Michele and I just fell out of touch about two hours ago.
Michele Weinberger
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You know, even though I had to wear that stupid back brace and you were kind of fat, we were still totally cutting edge.
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For me, it's like I've just given birth to my own baby girl, except she's like a big giant girl who smokes and says "shit" a lot. You know?
Heather Mooney
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OK cowboy, I don't know what your trip is, but if this is some kind of a sick game. If you fuck with me, in any way, I will rip each and every appendage from your body, starting with your dick. Capice?
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Why are you tormenting me? Why don't you go fuck a sheep, or your sister, or yourself? Braindead redneck asshole!
Dialogue
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Heather: Do you live with Michele Weinberger?
Romy: Yeah.
Heather: I just figured she'd be married to Sandy by now.
Romy: Sandy Frink?
Heather: Yes, Sandy Frink! He could barely contain his erection every time she walked by! Why do you think he always carried around that huge notebook?
Romy: The Frink-a-zoid and Michele, I'm sure! Besides, didn't
you have a thing for Sandy in high school?
Heather: I did not have a
thing! I did not have a thing, I did
not have a
thing! I was
very much in love with him!
Very much in love and there's a difference!
[to customer behind her]
Heather: There's a difference!
[to Romy]
Heather: There's a difference! I have to go now!
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Michele: Remember the prom? You got so thin by then.
Romy: Oh, I know. I was so lucky getting mono. That was like the best diet ever.
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Michele: To me, fashion is just like... everything.
[looks at a customer looking into a mirror] By the way... Hi! That blouse looks great on you!
Irate Customer:
[looking pleased] Thank you!
Michele: And see? I have this really believable way of telling people they look really good, even though I'm just, you know...
[does masturbating gesture]
[Irate Customer looks embarrassed and leaves]
Michele: I think she heard me.
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Michele: Did you lose weight?
Romy: Actually, I have been trying this new fat free diet I invented. All I've had to eat for the past six days are gummy bears, jelly beans, and candy corns.
Michele: God, I wish I had your discipline.
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Christie: So,
Mi-chele! What are you up to?
Michele: Oh, okay. Um, I invented Post-Its.
Christie: No offense, Michele, but how in the world did
you think of Post-Its?
Michele: Uh...
[looks across the room at Romy talking to Billy Christianson]
Romy: And I thought of them completely by myself. I mean, all Michele did was say: "What about making them yellow?"
Michele:
[turns to the A Group] Actually I invented a special kind of glue.
Christie: Oh really? Well then I'm sure you wouldn't mind giving us a detailed account of exactly how you concocted this miracle glue, would you?
Michele: No. Um, well, ordinarily when you make glue first you need to thermoset your resin, and then after it cools you have to mix in an epoxide, which is really just a fancy-schmancy name for any simple oxygenated adhesive, right? And then I thought maybe, just maybe, you could raise the viscosity by adding a complex glucose derivative during the emulsification process and it turns...out I was right.
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Cheryl: I don't believe it!
Christie: What?
Cheryl:
That!
Kelly: They're
ba-aaack!
Christie: Nice outfits. Post-it's must be really lucrative!
Michele: Romy, are you sure you wanna do this?
Romy: Oh yeah, Michele. I am
so sure!
Romy: What the hell is your problem, Christie. Why are you always such a nasty bitch? I mean, okay, so Michele and I did make up some stupid lie! We only did it because we wanted you to treat us like human beings. But you know what I realized? I don't care if you like us, 'cause we don't like you. You're a bad person with an ugly heart, and we don't give a flying fuck what you think!
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Romy: Come on Michele.
Michele: Okay, and...
yeah!
Christie: Unbelievable! They're as deluded about their lives as they are about those
hideous clothes
Lisa: Actually, Christie. They have nice lines. A fun, frisky use of color. All in all, I'd have to say they're really...not bad!
Christie: Well,
we still think they're ridiculous. Don't we girls?
Lisa: Why don't you just let them think for themselves for once?
Christie: You're just jealous. Because unlike a certain ball-busting dried up career woman, I might mention, we're all
happily married!
Lisa: That's right, Christie...keep telling yourself that.
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Toby: Since you never got around to it in high school, I was wondering if you would sign my yearbook. And please don't tell me to fuck off, because it really hurts my feelings.
Heather: I hurt your feelings?
Toby: Yeah, all the time.
Heather: Tremendous! That's tremendous! Go get your stupid yearbook, I would be happy to sign it!
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Heather:
[attempting to light a cigarette, turns and sees the cowboy offering her a light] Oh Jesus, Mary and Joseph, what do you want?
Cowboy: You were right, I was a brain dead redneck asshole. Though I never screwed a sheep or my sister.
Heather: Why not, couldn't catch 'em?
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Romy: I've been killing myself for eight days and I gained a pound.
Michele: That's impossible. Did you deduct sixteen pounds for your shoes?