Tammy (2014)

Share this quote on facebook [walking to her parent's house] Missi Jenkins is a whore! And I kicked her ass! Kicked her stupid ass. Don't call me, Greg, when she dumps you! Because I won't call you back! No fucking way! I'm gonna be too busy fucking models and shit!

Share this quote on facebook Poom! Later, loser.

Share this quote on facebook Keith Morgan: Tammy, do you know how I got to where I am?
Tammy Banks: Sucking dick and kissing ass?
Javier: [knocks on the door] Excuse me, Keith. We need some more ketchup.
Keith Morgan: Okay. [reaches for the jar of ketchup] English, though, Javier. This is America.
Tammy Banks: It was English.
Keith Morgan: That wasn't English.
Javier: [notices blood on Tammy's face] Is that blood?
Tammy Banks: Yeah. A deer hit my car on the way in.
Javier: Maybe you should go see a doctor.
Tammy Banks: Yeah. No kidding.
Keith Morgan: Okay, thanks, Javier. That's great advice. See you later. [to Tammy] Tammy, I'm terminating your employment at Topperjack's.
Tammy Banks: [looks at her badge] You've gotta be shitting me.
Keith Morgan: No, I'm terminating your employment. And I need your badge.
Tammy Banks: [looks at her badge again] What ba--? You mean my name tag?!
Keith Morgan: Yes, exactly. I need your badge back.
Tammy Banks: It's not a badge. It's a shitty name tag, and you made me buy it with my own money.
Keith Morgan: That's company policy. I need it back.
Tammy Banks: Well, I need you to stop sweating through your shirts and grossing everybody out.
Keith Morgan: It is hot. And when it's hot, people sweat. It's how it is.
Tammy Banks: Not like that. Not like that.
Keith Morgan: Well, do you know what?!
Tammy Banks: That shit's medical!
Keith Morgan: I-- LISTEN!! Tammy, you have already been fired. I have already terminated your employment. You are at least 40 seconds fired, so please exit the Topperjack's.
Tammy Banks: [gets up from the chair] Fine. You know what? I'm gonna give you this.
Keith Morgan: Tammy.
Tammy Banks: I got it right here.
Keith Morgan: It's your middle finger.
Tammy Banks: No. [shows three fingers from her right hand] Poom. Read between the lines.
Keith Morgan: I knew that you were gonna do it, Tammy. So it's not as good. I get it, Tammy.
Tammy Banks: [makes a little version of the middle finger] Poom. You get that?
Keith Morgan: What is that?
Tammy Banks: A little version of this.
Keith Morgan: Hey, don't let a deer hit you on the way out.
Tammy Banks: [frustrated] You dick. You know what?! [starts throwing the Topperjack's ketchup packets] Don't let these ketchup packets get stuck in your gross armpits! You'll have to buy new shirts, you dick!
Keith Morgan: Those are Topperjack's supplies. You are no longer an employee of Topperjack's. [Tammy shakes her hair in the buns] Oh.
Tammy Banks: Yeah, that shit's contaminated now! [starts taking the Topperjack's burgers] For overtime due, Keith. Overtime due.
Keith Morgan: Tammy, just get out.
Tammy Banks: Enjoy the special sauce.
Keith Morgan: Do not touch the Tower Deluxe burgers. Those buns are all still good. Just change the hats.
Tammy Banks: Yeah. [aggressively gets cocky in Keith's face] Yeah, that's what I thought. [raises both middle fingers]
Keith Morgan: I'm calling the police!

Share this quote on facebook Tammy Banks: [walks into her house] God. Hey, Greg. I'm home. Think your ringer's off. I've been calling you. That asshole Keith fired me. Can you believe that shit? Like, who would wanna work there? [sees Greg and Missi Jenkins having a meal at the dining room table] What's going on here?
Greg Banks: Hey, Tammy. Wow, you're home so early.
Missi Jenkins: [to Tammy] I'm sorry you got fired.
Tammy Banks: Shut up, Missi. Why are you in my house making my husband dinner?
Greg Banks: Uh, actually, I made her dinner.
Tammy Banks: [to Missi Jenkins] You're gonna get your ass kicked. [advances towards Missi] You hungry?
Greg Banks: Tammy.
Tammy Banks: YOU WANNA EAT MY FIST FOR DIN...? [Missi slaps Tammy in the tongue, causing Tammy to fall to the floor and drag the third dining room table chair down with her] Ow! Shit!
Missi Jenkins: I am so sorry, Tammy. You startled me.
Tammy Banks: [gets up] Keep your dirt fingers out of my mouth. You scratched my tongue. [to Greg] I'm leaving you, Greg. I'm taking the household money and getting out of here. [walks into the kitchen and climbs up the silverware drawer to the top of the counter] God! Nice, Greg. You have to cheat with the neighbor? [to Missi] You can forget about me feeding your stupid cats, Missi. [to Greg] I'm divorcing you, [to Missi] and I'm using you, bitch.
Missi Jenkins: For what?
Tammy Banks: You... For being an asshole. That's what I'm saying you for.