The Hudsucker Proxy (1994)

Share this quote on facebook [repeated line] You know, for kids.

Share this quote on facebook For instance, take a look at this sweet baby. [Shows a drawn circle on a piece of paper] I developed it myself. Yessirie, this is my big ticket upstairs. You know, for kids.

Share this quote on facebook Fight on! Fight on dear old Muncie! Fight on hoist the gold and blue! You'll be tattered, torn, and hurtin' once the Munc' is done with you! Gooooooooooooo Eagles!

Share this quote on facebook I wasn't expecting all this hoopla. You can quote me on that.

Share this quote on facebook Well look who it is. Amy Archer, Prizeter Pule winner.

Share this quote on facebook [Prologue] That's right. New York. It's 1958. Anyway, for a few more minutes it is. Come midnight it's gonna be 1959. A whole 'nother feelin'. The New Year. The future. Yeah ole daddy Earth fixin' to start one more trip 'round the sun and everybody hopin' this ride 'round be a little more giddy, a little more gay. Yep, all over town champagne corks is a-poppin'. Over in the Waldorf the big shots is dancin' to the strains of Guy Lombardo. Down in Times Square the little folks is a watchin' and waitin' for that big ball to drop. They all tryin' to catch hold of one moment of time. To be able to say "Right now! This is it! I got it!" 'Course by then it'll be past. But they all happy, everybody havin' a good time. Well, almost everybody. They's a few lost souls floatin' 'round out there. Now if ya'll ain't from the city, we have something here called "the rat race." Got a way of chewing folks up so that they don't want no celebrating, don't want no cheerin' up, and don't care nothing 'bout no New Year's. Out of hope. Out of rope. Out of time. This here is Norville Barnes. That office he's steppin' out of is the office of the president of Hudsucker Industries. It's his office. How'd he get so high? And why is he feelin' so low? Is he really gonna do it? Is Norville really gonna jelly up the sidewalk? Well, the future, that's something you can't never tell about. But the past, that's another story.

Share this quote on facebook [having just rammed a broom handle through a clock, thus freezing time. Line spoken to camera]
Strictly speaking, I'm never supposed to do this. But you have any better ideas?

Share this quote on facebook And so began 1959, the new year. When he learned that Norville owned the comp'ny, ol' Sidney was upset at first. It's a good thing Doc Bromfenbrenner was there because he was able to keep Sidney from harmin' his ol' self.

Share this quote on facebook And Norville, he went on an' ruled with wisdom and compassion and started dreamin' up them excitin' new ideas again.

Share this quote on facebook And that's the story of how Norville Barnes climbed waaay up to the forty-fourth floor of the Hudsucker Building, and then fell all the way down but didn't quite squish hisself. You know, they say there was a man who jumped from the forty-FIFTH floor? But that's another story.

Share this quote on facebook Hiya, buddy, my name's Buzz. I got the fuzz I make the elevator do what she does.

Share this quote on facebook Say, buddy, what takes fifty years to get up to the top floor and thirty seconds to get down? Waring Hudsucker! Ya get it, buddy?

Share this quote on facebook Say, buddy, who's the most liquid businessman on the street? Waring Hudsucker! Say buddy, when is a sidewalk fully dressed? When it's Waring Hudsucker! You get it buddy! It's a pun, it's a knee-slapper, it's a play on- Jesus, Joseph, and Mary! Is that a Blue Letter! Christ Almighty, why didn't you tell a guy! Hold on folk, we'll express to the top floor.

Share this quote on facebook [repeated line] Sure, sure.

Share this quote on facebook Up! Up on your feet! We don't crawl here at Hudsucker Industries.

Share this quote on facebook I'll stake my Pulitzer on it!

Share this quote on facebook Well, come on down here, hammerhead, and I'll show it to ya!

Share this quote on facebook Mail Room Orienter: [Spoken/Shouted very quickly] You punch in at 8:30 every morning, except you punch in at 7:30 following a business holiday, unless it's a Monday, then you punch in at 8 o'clock. Punch in late and they dock you. Incoming articles get a voucher, outgoing articles provide a voucher. Move any article without a voucher and they dock you. Letter size a green voucher, oversize a yellow voucher, parcel size a maroon voucher. Wrong color voucher and they dock you! 6787049A/6. That is your employee number. It will not be repeated! Without your employee number you cannot get your paycheck. Inter-office mail is code 37, intra-office mail 37-3, outside mail is 3-37. Code it wrong and they dock you! This has been your orientation. Is there anything you do not understand, is there anything you understand only partially? If you have not been fully oriented, you must file a complaint with personnel. File a faulty complaint and they dock you!
[This speech lasts exactly 60 seconds]

Share this quote on facebook Public Address System: Attention all Hudsucker employees. Attention all Hudsucker employees. We regretfully announce that at thirty seconds after the hour of noon, Hudsucker time, Waring Hudsucker, Founder, President, and Chairman of the Board of Hudsucker Industries, merged with the infinite. To mark this occasion of corporate loss, we ask that all employees observe a moment of silent contemplation. [moment of silence] Thank you for your kind attention. This moment has been duly-noted on your time cards and will be deducted from your pay. That is all.

Share this quote on facebook Hutchinson: You! Yah, you, Barnes. You don't look busy! Think you can handle a blue letter? This letter was sent down this morning by the big guy himself! 'At's right, Waring Hudsucker! It's addressed to Sid Mussburger! Hudsucker's right-hand man! It's a Blue Letter! That means you put it right in Mussburger's hand. No secretaries! No receptionists! No colleagues! No excuses! MUSSBURGER!

Share this quote on facebook Bumstead: No magazines. No coffee. Mussburger! I wanna see Mussburger! Or did he jump out a window too?

Share this quote on facebook [While sorting letters in the mail room]
Norville Barnes: Say, what do you do when the envelopes too big for the slot?
Ancient Sorter: Well, if you fold 'em, they fire ya. I usally throw 'em out.
Norville Barnes: Just got hired today.
Ancient Sorter: [coldy] Terrific.
Norville Barnes: You know, entry level.
Ancient Sorter: Tell me about it.
Norville Barnes: But I've got big ideas.
Ancient Sorter: I'm sure you do.
Norville Barnes: For instance, take a look at this sweet baby. [Shows a drawn circle on a piece of paper] I developed it myself. Yessirie, this is my big ticket upstairs. [Ancient Sorter looks at Norville, confused] You know, for kids.
Ancient Sorter: Terrific.
Norville Barnes: So, it sees how I won't be working in the mailroom long.
Ancient Sorter: No, I don't guess you will be.
Norville Barnes: How long you been here?
Ancient Sorter: Forty-eight years. Next year they move me up to parcels... if I'm lucky.

Share this quote on facebook Buzz: Mr. Kline, up to nine. Mrs. Dell, personnel. Mr. Levin's thirty-seven.
Mr. Levin: Thirty-six.
Buzz: Walk down! Ladies and gentlemen, step to the rear; here comes the gargantuan Mr. Grier.
Mr. Grier: Buzz.

Share this quote on facebook Norville Barnes: Hullo.
Receptionist: Do you have an appointment?
Norville Barnes: Uhh, no, I...
Receptionist: Shall we look in the book, hmmm? [takes out a huge book]
Norville Barnes: No, ma'am, ya see, I...
Receptionist: We don't seem to be in the book...
Norville Barnes: I wouldn't be in the book.
Receptionish: If we had an appointment, we'd be in the book...
Norville Barnes: I know but ya see I have this, uh, oh here it is. [Takes out the Blue Letter]

Share this quote on facebook Sidney J. Mussburger: This better be good. I'm in a bad mood.
Norville Barnes: Well, sir. I've got something for you from the mailroom, but first if I could just take a minute or so from your very valuable time to show you a little something I've been working on for the last two or three years. [Shows him the drawing of the circle, but sees that it's upside down and flips it over]. You know, for kids! Which is perfect for Hudsucker not that I claim to be any great genius; like they say, inspiration is ninty-nine percent perspiration, and in my case I'd say it's at least twice that, but I gotta tell ya, Mr. Mussburger, sir, this sweet baby-
Sidney J. Mussburger: Wait a minute!

Share this quote on facebook Sidney J. Mussburger: Let's get to know one another, shall we? Let's chat man to man. Now you're from the basement, aren't you? And weren't blessed with much... education?
Norville Barnes: Well, I am college graduate.
Sidney J. Mussburger: But you didn't excel in your studies?
Norville Barnes: Well, I made the Dean's List.
Sidney J. Mussburger: Oh.
Norville Barnes: At the Muncie College of Business Administration.
Sidney J. Mussburger: [laughs] Oh. And your friends called you "jerk" didn't they?
Norville Barnes: No.
Sidney J. Mussburger: Dope? Dipstick? Lamebrain? Schmoe? Not even behind you back?
Norville Barnes: No, as a matter of fact they voted me most likely to succeed.
Sidney J. Mussburger: You're fired.

Share this quote on facebook Luigi: Mr. Moose-burger, I give-a you pants a nice-a dooble stitch, eh? Make 'em strong, and they look-a real sharp.
Sidney J. Mussburger: No, single stitch is fine.
Luigi: But the double stitch will last forever.
Sidney J. Mussburger: Why on earth would I want a double stitch? To pad your account? Single stitch is fine.
[Cut to Later]'
Luigi: Ah, what the heck. Mr. Moose-burger is such a nice man, I'm gonna give him a double stitch anyway. That's some strong stitch, you bet.

Share this quote on facebook Buzz the Elevator Operator: [to Norville entering the elevator] Say, buddy! Where'd ya get the new duds? And say, buddy! How'd old bucketbutt like his Blue Letter? [laughs] Did he bust a gut? Did he die? Did he - [Mussburger enters the elevator] Well, hello, Mr. Mussburger, sir...
Sidney J. Mussburger: Lobby. We haven't got all day.
Buzz the Elevator Operator: Right away, Mr. Mussburger sir. How're you this fine morning, sir?
[The elevator doors open in the lobby]
Buzz the Elevator Operator: It's been a pleasure serving you, Mr. Mussburger. And it's been a pleasure serving you too, uh... buddy.

Share this quote on facebook Lou: I got gas, Bennie.
Bennie: Yeah...tell me about it.
Lou: No kiddin', Bennie. I got gas.
Bennie: Ya get the special?
Lou: Fah from it... [wistles as Amy enters the diner] ...Enter the dame.
Bennie: There's one in every story.
Lou: Ten bucks says she's looking for a handout.
Bennie: Twenty bucks says not here she don't find one.
Lou: She's looking for her mark.
[Amy sits next to Norville]
Lou: She finds him.
Bennie: She sits down and orders a light lunch. [Amy orders lunch from the waitress] How will she pay for this lunch?
Lou: She looks in her purse...
[Amy holds her wallet upside down]
Bennie: No money.
Lou: The mark notices.
Bennie: He's not noticing, Bennie.
Lou: Maybe he's wise.
Bennie: He don't look wise. Plan two: Here come the waterworks.
[Amy begins to cry]
Lou Yellowstone.
Bennie: Old Faithful.
Lou: Hello, Niagara.
[Amy elbow Norville]
Bennie: He notices. He's concerned.
Lou: She explains her predicament, and...
Both: ...Enter the light lunch.
[The waitress serves Amy's lunch as Amy continues to talk to Norville]
Bennie: She's got other problems, of course.
Lou: There's illness in the family.
Bennie: Her mother needs an operation...
Lou: Adenoids.
Bennie: [with Amy] Lumbago. Oh, that gag's got whiskers on it.
Lou: She's losing him, Bennie.
Bennie: Maybe he's wise.
Lou: He don't look wise.
[Norville turns to leave]
Bennie: How does she pull this out?
Lou: She better think fast.
Bennie: She isn't.
[Amy places her hand on her forehead]
Both: She is!
[Amy faints so that Norville has no choice but to catch her and holds her awkwardly, looking around for help]
Lou: She's good, Bennie.
Bennie: She's damn good, Lou.
Waitress: [interrupts] Can I get you boys anything else?
Bennie: Bromo.
Lou: Bromo.

Share this quote on facebook Norville Barnes: [calls mailroom] Good afternoon to you, this is Norville Barnes.
Hutchinson: Barnes! Where the hell have you been!? Where's my voucher!?
Norville Barnes: [checks pockets] Not sure where I...
Hutchinson: I need the voucher! I told you a week ago it was important!
Norville Barnes: Look, I'm President of the Company now --
Hutchinson: I don't care if you're PRESIDENT of the company!! I need the voucher now!

Share this quote on facebook Amy Archer: Is this guy from Chumpsville? Ha! I even pulled the old mother routine.
Smitty, Argus reporter: Adenoids.
Amy Archer: Lumbago.
Smitty, Argus reporter: [whistles] That gag's got whiskers on it!

Share this quote on facebook Sidney J. Mussburger: And this is Thorstensen Finlandsen, who heads a radical splinter group of disgruntled investors.
Norville Barnes: Pleased to meet you, Mr. Finlandsen. You know, I studied a little Finnish back in college myself. Let's see what was that. [says something offensive in Finnish]
[Finlandsen throws his drink on Norville and punches him]

Share this quote on facebook [Norville is showing the board his new invention: the hula-hoop]
Norville Barnes: You know, for kids! It has economy, simplicity, low production cost and the potential for mass appeal, and all that spells out great profitability! I had the boys down at R & D throw together this prototype so that our discussion here could have some focus and to give you gentlemen of the Board a first-hand look at just how exciting this gizmo is! Its fun, it's healthy, it's good exercise; kids'll just love it, and we put a little sand inside to make the experience more pleasant. But the great part is we won't have to charge an arm and a leg!
Board Member 1: What if you're tired before it's done?
Board Member 2: Does it have rules?
Board Member 3: Can more than one play?
Board Member 4: What makes you think it's a game?
Board Member 3: Is it a game?
Board Member 5: Will it break?
Board Member 6: It better break eventually!
Board Member 2: Is there an object?
Board Member 1: What if you're tired before it's done?
Board Member 5: Does it come with batteries?
Board Member 4: We could charge extra for them.
Board Member 7: Is it safe for toddlers?
Board Member 3: How can you tell when you're finished?
Board Member 2: How do you make it stop?
Board Member 6: Is that a boy's model?
Board Member 3: Can a parent assemble it?
Board Member 5: Is there a larger model for the obese?
Board Member 1: What if you're tired before it's done?
Board Member 8: What the hell is it?
Norville Barnes: Well, it's, uh... it's uh...
Sidney J. Mussburger: Brilliant! It's genius. It's just exactly what Hudsucker needs at this juncture. Sure, sure, even a blind man could tell you that there's an enormous demand for this, uh... Congratulations, kid, you've really outdone yourself; you've reinvented the wheel. I'm going to recommend to the Board that we proceed immediately with this, uh... with the, uh... that the dingus be mass-produced with all deliberate speed. All though you realize, of course, as president of the company the ultimate decision is yours.
Norville Barnes: Well, I'm for it!

Share this quote on facebook [Norville is sleeping at his desk]
Buzz the Elevator Operator: Say, Buddy... Ya busy?
Norville Barnes: [wakes up] Huh-whuh?
Buzz the Elevator Operator: Looks like ya nodded off there! Say, buddy, ya got a minute?
Norville Barnes: Buzz... Is it important?
Buzz the Elevator Operator: I like to think so! It's this little idea I been working on. Ya see, I don't intend to be an elevator boy forever. Take a look at this sweet baby! [shows Norville a drawing of a circle] Ya get it, buddy? Incredibly convenient, isn't it? You know, for drinks. [shows Norville a straw] This is how it works, it's these little ridges on the side that give it its whammy! See, ya don't have to drink like this nomore; now you can drink like this. [bends staw] I call it the Buzz-Sucker, get it, buddy? After me! Why, people are just dyin' for a product like this, and the great thing is we won't have to charge an arm and a --
Norville Barnes: Wait a minute! [He looks at it like when Mussburger first looked at his own invention] This is worthless.
Buzz the Elevator Operator:Huh?! But, buddy --
Norville Barnes: This is the most idiotic thing I've ever seen in my life!
Buzz the Elevator Operator: Yeah, but, buddy --
Norville Barnes: Nobody wants a hare-brained product like this! Ya see, Buzz, it lacks the creative spark, the unalloyed genius that made, say, [hiccup] the hula hoop such a success.
Buzz the Elevator Operator: But, buddy --
Norville Barnes: What do you mean barging in here and taking up my valuable time! I've got a company to run here!
Buzz the Elevator Operator: [laughs] But, buddy, you were --
Norville Barnes: I can't have every deadbeat on the Hudsucker payroll pestering me with their idiotic brainwaves!
Buzz the Elevator Operator: Geez, buddy, I'm sorry.
Norville Barnes: An example must be made!
Buzz the Elevator Operator: Whaddya mean, buddy?
Norville Barnes: You're fired! Is that plain enough for you, buster?!
[Buzz begins to bawl and grabs Norville's legs]
Buzz the Elevator Operator: Awwww, buddy --
Norville Barnes: And don't call me buddy! Out of here!
Buzz the Elevator Operator: Aw, please, sir! This job, just running the elevator, it's all I got! I understand if ya don't like the Buzz-Sucker! Just, please, let me keep my job! I'm prayin' to ya!
Norville Barnes: Get out of my office! Get out! [Buzz crawls away crying] Up! Up on your feet! We don't crawl here at Hudsucker Industries! Get out! And leave your uniform in the locker room!
Buzz the Elevator Operator: I'm sorry, sir... I'm sorry...

Share this quote on facebook Sidney J. Mussburger: Sure, sure, the kid's screwy. It's official. The barred-window boys are out looking for him now, and we'll see how Wall Street likes the news that the President of Hudsucker Industries is headed for the booby-hatch. Why, when the doc gets through with him he'll need diapers and a dribble cup. Well, if that's all...
All Board Members: Long live the Hud!

Share this quote on facebook Scientist on TV: Ze dingus is quite simple, really. It operates on ze same principle zat keeps ze Earth in orbit around ze sun, and which keeps you from flying off ze Earth into ze cold reaches of space where you would die like a miserable swine. Yes, ze principle is the same... except for ze piece of grit zey put inside to make ze experience... more pleasant.

Share this quote on facebook Waring Hudsucker: [after singing She'll Be Comin' Around the Mountain] Love that tune. How ya doin', kid?
Norville Barnes: Mr. Hudsucker?
Waring Hudsucker: [points to his halo] Hey, how do you like that thing? They're all wearin' up stairs. It's a fad. Anyway, I hear your having some, uh, problems with the board. I guess Sidney's been puttin' the screws to ya, huh, Norman?
Norville Barnes: Norville.
Waring Hudsucker: Yeah, yeah. Well, say what you like about the man's ethics, he's a balls-to-the-wall businessman. Beat ya any way he can. Straight for the jugular. Very effective. Any particular reason you didn't give him my Blue Letter? Jesus, Norman, just a dying man's last words and wishes, no big deal.
Norville Barnes: Mr. Hudsucker, I must of mislaid it --
Waring Hudsucker: It's sittin' in your apron pocket, right where you left it. Imbecile. Failure to deliver a Blue Letter is grounds for dismissal.
Norville Barnes: Oh geez sir...
Waring Hudsucker: Ah, it's New Year's, I'm not gonna add to your woes. I'm just saying. Anyway, you wanna read it? You might learn something. Might keep ya from jumpin' outta anymore windows.

Share this quote on facebook Norville Barnes: "Blue Letter. From: the desk of Waring Hudsucker. To: Sidney J. Mussburger. Regarding: My demise. Dear Sid. By the time you read this, I will have joined the organization upstairs -- an exciting new beginning. I will retain fond mem-memor..."
Waring Hudsucker: Memories.
Norville Barnes: "...of the memories of the many years that you and I have spent --"
Waring Hudsucker: Yeah, yeah, it's the standard resignation boilerplate. Go down to the second paragraph.
Norville: "You have no dought been wondering why I have decided to end my tenure at Hudsucker, and here on Earth. Granted, from the standpoint of our balance sheet and financials, sure, sure, we're doing fine. However, Sid, I have made grave errors. My vanity drove away she who could've saved me. Oh yes, I loved a woman once, Sid, as you well know. A beautiful, vibrant lady, an angel who in her wisdom saw fit to choose you instead of I..." Mr. Hudsucker?
Waring Hudsucker: [crying] Skip this part. Next page. [stops crying] Next page!

Share this quote on facebook Norville Barnes: [reading from the Blue Letter] "...the new president should be free to fall --"
Waring Hudsucker: Fail.
Norville Barnes: "...so he can learn and then fail --"
Waring Hudsucker: Fall!
Norville Barnes: "...and rise up."

Share this quote on facebook A Comedy of Invention.

Share this quote on facebook They took him for a fall guy... but he threw them for a hoop.

Share this quote on facebook At Hudsucker industries there's a fast way to the top...and an even faster way down!

Share this quote on facebook I.M. Hobson - Myron Addison, a Board Member