The Love Guru (2008)

Share this quote on facebook In my book, "If you're happy and you know it, Think again", I speak of the teachings of Intimacy, or Into-Me-I-See™. Intimacy is like putting your Wiener on a table and having someone say. 'Hey, That looks like a Penis, Only smaller!' [Laughs] Only Smaller...

Share this quote on facebook Although I was raised here in India, I was born in America, which is where our journey begins. It's the story of a hockey player, named Darren Roanoke. My most resistant student, who became my greatest teacher... Or some such bullshit, I don't know.

Share this quote on facebook Dick Pants... send him in.

Share this quote on facebook Guru Pitka had a farm. EIEIO. And in that farm he did no harm. EIEIO.™

Share this quote on facebook Milk milk lemonade this is where the fudge is made

Share this quote on facebook BIBLE - Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth™

Share this quote on facebook Don't peck my fucking eyes!

Share this quote on facebook Break the pickle...tickle, tickle.

Share this quote on facebook Marishka Hargitay Jessica simpson.

Share this quote on facebook Marishka Hargitay Val Kilmer.

Share this quote on facebook Marishka Hargitay... Marishka Hargitay.

Share this quote on facebook Tonight I want you to go from nowhere to NOW HERE.™

Share this quote on facebook Is it made out of dog? Is it a dog's tingy, am I being punk'd?

Share this quote on facebook If you ever sucker punch me again, I'll kick your ass all the way back to the keebler factory.

Share this quote on facebook I have two tattoos. One of them is DRAMA tattoo and the other is a picture of daffy duck pushing a lawn mower through my pubes.

Share this quote on facebook Let's make like a baby and head out.

Share this quote on facebook I don't know what you're talking about. (coughs up feathers)

Share this quote on facebook Rajneesh, I'd like an alligator soup, and make it snappy. Because alligators are snappy, and at the same time, I want it prompt.

Share this quote on facebook THE ULTIMATE DISTRACTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Share this quote on facebook Well, it looks more like Gay Skin. (laughs)

Share this quote on facebook I lied. She is still with Le Coq, and he still has the biggest Weiner in history.

Share this quote on facebook I WANNA SING!

Share this quote on facebook Go Speedy. Ride like a cowboy.

Share this quote on facebook What is it you can't face? (use strong Indian accent on "can't")

Share this quote on facebook Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Why are you still hitting yourself?

Share this quote on facebook What's this? A dead one of these.

Share this quote on facebook If you're happy and you know it think again.

Share this quote on facebook Does it hurt when you do that? Don't do that.

Share this quote on facebook I know you are, but what am I?

Share this quote on facebook Ding Dong. Did someone order the special Quebec pizza huh? You know, like in the porno.

Share this quote on facebook Don't look at me with that tone of voice or I will punch you in the shirt!

Share this quote on facebook Dis is my day of lucky!

Share this quote on facebook [answering cell phone] Dell Computers, this is Chip.

Share this quote on facebook Good distraction frees us from emotional pain. Bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz.

Share this quote on facebook Coach Punch Cherkov: What's the capital of Thailand?
Guru Pitka: Bangkok.
Coach Punch Cherkov: Exactly. [punches Pitka in the crotch, Pitka hunches down then doubles over covering his crotch]
Guru Pitka: Omar Sharif, my BALLS! OH-HOH! (drops to the ground) My balls!, AUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Coach Punch Cherkov: Stay down, bitch.
Guru Pitka: Okay.

Share this quote on facebook As themselves