The Pagemaster (1994)

Share this quote on facebook [repeated line] This is not good. Definitely not good.

Share this quote on facebook Dad, 8% of all household accidents involve ladders, another 3% involve trees. We're looking at another 30% probability here.

Share this quote on facebook You guys are the only friends I've ever had.

Share this quote on facebook Thanks, but I have already a family. I really should be getting home now.

Share this quote on facebook I lost my library card. I can't check anybody out. We'll never get to the exit now.

Share this quote on facebook I was nearly torn apart by a crazy doctor, made into a slave by a bunch of mangy pirates, and eaten-- got that? --eaten by a fire-breathing dragon!

Share this quote on facebook [new catchphrase] Good. That was definitely good.

Share this quote on facebook Mr. Dewey: Welcome to the library, young man. Don't tell me, you're here for a special book.
Richard Tyler: Uh, Mister...
Mr. Dewey: Stop, stop stop, let me guess. I have a talent for guessing what people need. You're in need of... [starts speaking magically] a fantasy. Brave knights, mythical faeries, ferocious dragons.
Richard Tyler: Look, all I want is...
Mr. Dewey: [grabbing him and speaking excitedly] Adventure!! Of course, you're a boy who loves adventure, brimming with wicked demons, cutthroat pirates.
Richard Tyler: No, no. That's not it.
Mr. Dewey: Horror. [speaking scarily while creeping toward him] Ahh, horror. Evil demons, wretched monsters, haunted houses, graveya-a-rds. Yes, it's horror for you, boy. I'm sure of it. [back to normal voice] Your library card, please.
Richard Tyler: Uh, I don't have one.
Mr. Dewey: [makes a library card appear magically] You do now.

Share this quote on facebook Fantasy: [to Richard, angrily] What are you doing, grabbing my mouth and messing up my pantyhose? Hmph! Now I gotta straight out my Little Mermaid underwear.

Share this quote on facebook Adventure: I heard that! And I would let you know, I'm a Classic!
Fantasy: Mm-hmm, a classic misprint.
Adventure: Why, you old sea serpent! I'll rip out your pages, and use them for--! (slips off) OH NO! (falls to the ground) MAN OVERBOARD!
Richard Tyler: (really freaking out) Do something!
Fantasy: Hmm... (Gives you a blast of wand, then Adventure falls and crashed down) Oops. Ha, ha, I forgot my wand doesn't always work outside of the fantasy section.
Richard Tyler: You mean you can't wish us to the exit?

Share this quote on facebook Fantasy: [notices the names carved on the wall of the gate] Dr. Jekyll? Mr. Hyde? (turns away) Must be a duplex.
Richard Tyler: Whoa!
Adventure: Go ahead, matey. I'm--I'm right behind ye. (Richard Tyler gasps, the trio walks onto the porch and stood behind the two doors of the house) [points the rope] Well, ring the bell.
Richard Tyler: (panting) [Reaches for the rope, and gives a yank, making the bell chime loudly]
Horror: [slipping off the roof of the house, falling down, and screaming, making Richard Tyler, Adventure and Fantasy look up] AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Share this quote on facebook Richard Tyler: [looks at Horror, disgusted] Huh?
Fantasy: [flies back down to Richard] Good catch!
Richard Tyler: (a little scared) H--here, take it!
Fantasy: (blushing) Isn't he sweet? (makes kissing sounds) Muah-muah-muah-muah-muah.
Horror: [looks at Richard Tyler] (little scared) Oh, I scared you. I'm sorry.
Fantasy: You mustn't judge a book by its cover. [Horror makes a cheerful face]
Richard Tyler: (confused) Uhhh...
Fantasy: Look, he's smiling.
Horror: [makes a smile, showing only a few teeth on his gum] Ha-ha!
Richard Tyler: (grossed out) That's a smile?

Share this quote on facebook Horror: Can I have the olive? Whoa! [knocks the wine glass over and sends it crashing onto the floor] Uh-oh.
Adventure: Now look what you've done!

Share this quote on facebook Horror: So, do I think I'm scaring it? He shouldn't swim right after eating you know, he'll get cramps.
Adventure: Where did he go?
Richard Tyler: Aaaahh! (The Whales movement)
Adventure: Row! Row for your lives!
Richard Tyler: [shrieking] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! [he caughts with a Moby Dick]
Adventure: Abandon Ship--!
Richard Tyler, Horror, Fantasy, Adventure: [bites off the boat] Waa-hooooooh!
Richard Tyler: [screams] Aaaaaaaahhh--! [he falls down to the water and crashed] Me-me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me! [coughs in water] Guys! Where are you?!

Share this quote on facebook Adventure: There goes me ticket out of here! Uh...
Crows Nest Pirate: LAND HOOOOO!!! LAND HOOOO!!!

Share this quote on facebook Horror: [singing] Sixteen men on a dead man's stomach.
Fantasy: No, no! Chest! Chest!
Horror: Oh, uh, chest. Chest. Ah, hee, hee, hee, ha, ha, ha, ha! [singing] Yo, ho, ho! And a bottle of rum!
Richard Tyler: Aah! Aaaaaah...!
Tom Morgan: Evil spirits!
Horror: Hee, hee! [jumping off the tree with a vine] SANCTUARY!! [knocks the pirates down, then landed on the ground] Huh!
Richard Tyler: Horror, you are alive!
Tom Morgan: [using the gun with Horror] Not for long! Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee!
Horror: Aaaaaaaaaaah!

Share this quote on facebook Horror: Ahoy, matey! Aye, we're lusty, adventurous men.
Adventure: Go away. You don't know what you're talking about.
Horror: I...I know I'm not your favorite kind of book, but I could be just like you.
[Adventure stops at his tracks, and yells angrily at Horror]
Adventure: You'll never be Adventure! Ye ain't got the spine for it. And take that stupid thing off!
Horror: [taking a bandana off his head] Sorry.
Adventure: [muttering] Oh, he thinks he can be a pirate...
[Horror sighed with sadness, and walks away]

Share this quote on facebook Richard Tyler: Where's Horror? Wasn't he with you?
Adventure: He was, but he...I mean, I sort of...uh..he, uh....
Fantasy: [angrily] Ohh, what did you say to him now?!
Adventure: Well, I--I...I just...uh, I'll go find him.
Fantasy: Yeah, you better go find him. And be quick about it!

Share this quote on facebook [Adventure saves the unconscious Horror, who was tied to the ground by little people]
Adventure: He had a good heart, and he was braver than ye knew. I...I'd walk the plank if I thought it would bring ye back.
Horror: [wakes up] That's beautiful.

Share this quote on facebook Richard Tyler: Wow! Look at this place!
Horror: It's so purdy. I could be misshelved here for a long time.
Adventure: Happyland.

Share this quote on facebook Richard Tyler: [on seeing the Pagemaster again] Hey! How did you get here!?
Fantasy: [through her teeth] Quit it! We're in the presence of the Pagemaster!
Richard Tyler: I know who he is. He's the one who did THIS [gesturing along his body] to me!! Do you have any idea what I've been through?!
Pagemaster: Tell me.
Richard Tyler: I was nearly torn apart by a crazy doctor!! I was made a slave by a bunch of mangy pirates. And eaten--got that, eaten--by a fire-breathing dragon!!
Horror: He don't mean it, my Pagemaster. He don't mean it.
Richard Tyler: And not to mention being tossed, squashed, and scared practically to death!!
Pagemaster: Yet you stand before me.
Richard Tyler: Well, yeah.
Pagemaster: Think, boy! What kind of an adventure would you have had if I brought you here with the turn of a page?
[hologram of Mr. Hyde appears, then morphs into Jekyll]
Dr. Jekyll: You prevailed over evil. [morphs into Captain Ahab]
Captain Ahab: Ah, you looked Moby Dick in the eye, boy. [morphs into Long John Silver]
Long John Silver: Ah, you had pirate stuff, me lad! And don't no one speak any different.
Pagemaster: If I hadn't brought you here from the start, you would never have found the courage to face your own fears. [hologram morphs into the Dragon] And in doing so, you triumph here... and always. [hologram shows a live-action Richard Tyler unconscious on the library's rotunda floor]
Richard Tyler: Hey, that's... That's me!
Pagemaster: That was you.