Miss Fortune
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I'm an old woman, Mr. Anstruther; a very old woman who has led a lonely, useless life. But I've learned some things in my loneliness; perhaps because of it. I've learned not to judge people. I've learned to take them as I find them, not as others find them. And most of all, I've learned to give complete and unquestioning faith to the people I love.
Dialogue
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Marmy: Isn't it lovely the way my husband has taken Mr. Jennings?
[Mrs. Jennings turns, quizzically.] To his
heart, I mean, of course. Just like two boys, the way they like to gamble on everything.
Mrs. Jennings: Tell me, Mrs. Carleton, why do you call your husband the Sahib?
Marmy: Sahib? That's Indian for "gentleman," you know.
Mrs. Jennings: Such a distinguished man. But what does he do now?
Marmy: He's an economist, part of the Brain Trust, you know. Labor conditions, wages, unemployment; the sahib doesn't believe in unemployment.
Mrs. Jennings: He doesn't?
Marmy: He thinks it should all be done away with.
Mrs. Jennings: How interesting.
Marmy: He says the only way to do away with unemployment is to do away with employment. If nobody worked, there couldn't be any unemployment; and so the Sahib hasn't done a speck of work for years. Passive resistance, you know. Gandhi?
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Sahib: Interesting phenomenon, that.
Richard: What?
Sahib: That mechano set.
Richard: That what?
Sahib: That thingamebob.
Richard: Oh, yes.
Sahib: There it goes again. But look at all those fellows down there. Upon my soul, I don't see what pleasure
they get out of it.
Richard: Still, that little fellow over there looks rather sincere.
Sahib: You think so?
Richard: Mm-hmm.
Sahib: Picks up a sack from that pile, carries it over and puts it on
that pile ... and goes back for another.
Richard: Well, he must get some enjoyment out of it. But, on the other hand, I don't see what he's after in life. I ... I don't see his reasoning.
Sahib: No reasoning involved, my boy. Instinct. Biology. Something tells him to carry the little sacks back and forth, and so he has to do it.
Richard: I see what you mean.
Sahib: Interesting problem, isn't it? Capital, labor, classes, masses, no jobs, no leadership! I wish I were younger, my boy.
[Steam whistle sounds.] Lunch. High time, too. Hard morning.
[They retire to a nearby eatery.] Share this quote on facebook
Leslie: You and your family couldn't, by any chance, be... uh... sponging on her, could you?
Richard: What makes you say that?
Leslie: It just occurred to me.
Richard: You wouldn't approve of that, I suppose.
Leslie: No, I wouldn't approve of that.
Richard: No, I didn't think you would. Like to hear the rest of it?
Leslie: It's up to you.
Richard: It's a tremendous secret, you know.
Leslie: Perhaps you shouldn't tell me, then.
Richad: I probably shouldn't. You won't like it. Well, they say that—uhm... confession is good for the...
what is it?
Leslie: The soul, Richard.
Richard: Oh, yes, the soul. Oh well, I suppose it can't affect me much, one way or the other, can it? You see, we're all trying to become heirs.
Leslie: I don't understand.
Richard: It's very simple. You see, we're really all quite charming. And we made the old gal love us. The Sahib took to selling Wombats just to prove we were on the square, and I took to opening letters for the same reason. Rather neat idea, don't you think?
Leslie: You're not kidding me, Richard.
Richard: Oh no! I'm terribly serious. We thought we'd worked it out rather cleverly.
Leslie: I never doubted that you were clever, Richard.
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Marmy: George-Anne, do you know what your father is?
George-Anne:
[Smirking ever so slightly] Yes, I think I know.
Sahib: Nonsense, my dear. You couldn't know. Only just happened.
Marmy: He's been made the headmost sales manager of the entire London branch.
Richard: What do you think of that, George-Anne? Making money on his own and everything.
Sahib: Ho ho. Tut-tut. Not big money, of course; but an impressive step, if I do say so myself.
Marmy: Of course it is. It's just what we need to convince the old lady. Just think how pleased she'll be.
[Looks of consternation from Richard and the Sahib, simultaneously appalled and ashamed.] She'll think we're all wonderful!
George-Anne: She'll think we're wonderful, all right. She does now. In fact, you don't even need to go on with it, Sahib. We've won.
Marmy: Whatever do you mean?
George-Anne: She decided on her will. We're to get the money. She's going to leave us everything she has.
Marmy: How too, too marvelous! Aren't you going to compliment George-Anne, Sahib?
She did most of it.
[The Sahib and Richard reluctantly replicate their erstwhile demeanor.]
Sahib: Oh, so she did, my dear. Very good. Excellent work.
Richard: Wonderful. Now we're all set.
George-Anne: Yes, we're--we're set at last. And now, let's plan our party. It can be a celebration now. We'll have a wonderful time.
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George-Anne: All right, then. Your suspicions about us were right, Duncan. We didn't love the old lady. And we didn't stay with her because she was lonely. We were after her money, right from the start. And that night you came to the house, I was afraid you'd spoil everything. I was afraid to even have you about.
Duncan: But you're not afraid now?
George-Anne: No, because now she's come through. Now we're going to
get her money. We're all rotters, Duncan. We always have been and we always will be. We're parasites. We--we cheat at cards and we lie about ourselves, and the only time we behave like
decent people is when it pays.
Duncan: Such a long speech, darling, and I don't believe a word of it. I don't care what you thought you were up to. I don't care what you think you are. I want to marry you.
George-Anne: Oh no, Duncan. I'm not turning noble, but... but I won't mess up your life. Once I wouldn't marry you because you weren't rich enough for me, and now I won't marry you because I'm not good enough for you.
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Anstruther: In the past few years, there has been a steady depreciation in the value of Miss Fortune's holdings. I did not wish to worry Miss Fortune in her later years by telling her this because I thought that things might be managed for her, alone. If Miss Fortune dies, taking debt and taxes into account, the estate will be practically penniless.
[Smiling] I trust you will find it possible to forgive her.
Marmy: Why should we forgive her, Mr. Anstruther? That's a strange thing you're asking of us, and pray what is there to forgive? Wasn't she good to us? As to the money, we don't want it. We don't even need it.
Sahib: Absolutely not. We're perfectly capable of standing on our own feet.
Anstruther: Indeed. Then perhaps I might add that if Miss Fortune lives, I doubt that I shall be able even to save this house for her.
Sahib: If Miss Fortune lives, Mr. Anstruther, you may rest assured there will be a home for her always.
Richard: She will not need this house.
Anstruther:
[At a loss] If I have misjudged you, I beg your pardon. Good day.
[Exits.]
George-Anne: Oh, Marmy! You do love her!
Marmy: Darling, darling!
George-Anne: We don't want the money! We don't want it! None of us!
Marmy: There, darling.
George-Anne: Oh, and we really want to be what she thinks we are. Marmy, she mustn't die. We've got to show her. We've got to take care of her. She saved us, Marmy! Don't you see? She saved us all.
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